19 YEARS

You wake up one morning and you realize that you have spent almost half your life with them. I have now spent more time living with my husband than I have with my brothers or my mom or my dad.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have had more orgasms with this one man than any other partner you have ever had.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have farted in front of this one person more than you have farted in front of anyone else in your life.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have felt more annoyance for this one person than you have ever felt for any other being on the planet.
You wake up one morning and realize that you have longed for this one person more than you have for any other being on the planet.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you are half into your life together with this person beside you.
You wake up one morning and you realize that there is still a lot to learn about your partner.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have shared more joy with this one person than you have with any other.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have shared more sorrow with this one person than you have with any other.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have cared about this person more than you have ever cared about anyone else in your life.

You wake up one morning and you say, "Has it really been 19 years?"

HOW I HAVE HELPED THE WORLD TODAY

Today I helped the world by:

I helped rid the world of toxic waste by emptying the litter box.
I helped rid the world of pollution by sweeping the kitchen floor.
I helped people with allergies world-wide by vacuuming up the dander on my bedroom floor. (I had dust moose)
I helped peace talks by speaking only gentle words.

I will help feed the world by working at the Farmer's Market today.

Wow, I am soooo awesome.

DROWN YOUR SORROWS IN CHOCOLATE

Another recipe because girl #1 asked me to send this to her last week. Which meant that I had to write it out for her. And because this has been her birthday cake for years and she is going to stay out on Lopez until we get there (I am so very sad).
Also, we went out to dinner in Rutland, VT with some wonderful artist friends and we ordered a mouse cake which was a tri-color mouse cake....but not nearly as good as this one.....

TRI-COLOR MOUSE

Chocolate Marquis (bottom layer):
10 oz. Semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, cut into bits
4 oz. (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 t. instant espresso, dissolved in 2 t. water
4 large eggs, separated
1/8 t. cream of tartar
2 T. sugar

Melt chocolate and butter together.
When chocolate is melted and smooth, whisk in dissolved coffee and egg yolks.
Beat egg whites and cream of tartar together until soft peaks form. Gradually sprinkle in sugar at high speed until stiff but not dry.
Fold 1/4 of egg whites into chocolate mixture to lighten it. Fold in remaining whites.
Pour into prepared mold. Refrigerate.


Mocha Mousse (second layer):
9 oz. Milk chocolate, (I like Cadbury. Tried Nestle once an didn’t like it)
cut into small pieces
4 t. instant espresso, dissolved in 1/4 C. water
1 1/2 C. heavy cream

Melt chocolate and coffee mixture together.
Whip cream until soft peaks form.
Fold whipped cream into cooled chocolate mixture. Mousse should seem very soft.
Pour into prepared mold. Refrigerate.


White chocolate mousse (top layer):
9 oz. White chocolate, cut into small pieces
1 3/4 C. heavy cream

Melt chocolate and 1/4 C. heavy cream together.
Whip cream until soft peaks.
Fold whipped cream into chocolate mixture. Mousse will seem soft.
Pour into prepared mold. Refrigerate.

Use a 9 inch springform pan.
Put a piece of plastic over the top layer otherwise it will get crusty.
Put each layer in the fridge as you make the next layer.
Make one layer right after the other, otherwise they won’t stick together.

So here it is...drown your sorrows in chocolate.

life is moving along...

Soon I have to go and pack up the car. We are off to Rutland, VT for an art show this weekend. Funny, it feels like we haven't done a show in a long time. We put so much energy in preparing for the wholesale show that we did in Philly last month that I feel it's been ages since we've set up shop.
It should be a fun weekend. I'm picking up girl #2 from her a stay with Granny. We will meet 1/2 way in NH at LLBean and do some shopping. A friend of ours is also in the show and we'll have dinner with her and her boyfriend on Sat. night. Girl #2 and the boyfriend are thick as thieves and always spend our dinners together drawing all over the table and making up jokes together. They particularly like to create sculpture with their food.
Yesterday my brother-in-law got a call from our lawyer. It seems that horrid sister wants to know who her brother's are hiring to come to mom's house and pick up their inheritance. WHAT??? Yeah, we think we'll hire each other. This is a woman who has moved a lot and every time has hired a service to do it for her. We do not hire people to move us, we do it ourselves. (ah, the lives of the poor and infamous) It does put us on edge, though. It makes us wonder what's she up to? Our lawyer thought it was a very strange thing to ask and is going back to the other lawyer to find out what's going on.
Girl #1 got a job out on Lopez. She's working the morning shift doing daycare at the Family Resource Center. I'm proud and sad. She is probably staying.
The weather has finally cooled off. We have turned off the air conditioners and have all the windows open. It's nice!!
Oh, the rodent in our ceiling.....it is a wasp nest. Hard to believe but true. They sounded just like a rodent scratching...weird!!
Roger, who I told that I was glad I hadn't seen him in so long, put some poison at the hole under the roof and they are dead. No more scratching, no more wasps, I am sleeping better and life is moving along.....

THINGS THAT I THOUGHT WERE A GOOD IDEA

Yesterday I thought it was a good idea to:

*mope
*put off calling the mortgage company because I got a letter from them saying that it just came to their attention that we have not paid our property taxes and if we don't than our mortgage will become delinguent.
*put off calling city hall and finding out how much we owe on our property and school tax which we have not paid because we needed the money and we are selling the house and that we would pay them off when we sell the house.
*put extra chocolate chips in the cookies i made.
*sit on the couch and watch a movie.
*check email every 1/2 hour to see if we have heard from horrid sister about the next step.
*talk to our lawyer, who has just returned from her vacation, about horrid sister and the next step.
*to sit on the couch, cry, eat cookies, and watch "eureka" on the sci fi chanel.
*to call roger, the exertiminator, because we have a rodent in our ceiling who is driving me CRAZY scratching at the sheet rock. (i just know that whatever it is is going to fall through on top of me)
*to make sezchuan spicy shrimp for dinner.
*to decide that the asshole, who we hired to paint and do some repairs on our house and we finally had to take to small claims court because he never finshed and we won the claim because he never showed up to court to the tune of $4800.00 and this asshole has telephoned us screaming and then showed up at our house screaming fuckin' profanity at us all the while saying "I'm here to finish the work", is not allowed on our property anymore and we'll just take the money and be done with it. he, by the way, never cleaned up after his first time here in the fall and left our collection of antique porcelain sinks that we had been collecting to take back to Lopez in front of our fence and they were stollen. we were off to a show and he promised me that he was coming over that day to put them back behind the fence where they belonged.
*go to bed and pull the covers over my head

These are just a few of the things that I thought were a good idea.

SHE'S NOT LEAVING ON THAT JET PLANE

Sorry for the lame title but I was at my Mom's house this weekend and she played John Denver. And yes, we all swayed and say along.

I called girl #1 last week to talk to her about flying back to NY in September. I'm thinking that we will be lucky if we can leave by the the beginning of October and it's time for her to come back and be with us. Guess what her answer is?.... "NO".
Shit. Now what does a good, thoughtful, caring parent do? It was all I good do to hold my super-mom hands from reaching through the phone lines and wopping her upside the head.
So, we made an agreement. Alright so I made the agreement. I gave her a week to figure it out. I told her that if she gave me a seriously compelling senario of a job, a place to live, and a homeschool agenda (it's her senior year) then I would seriously consider letting her stay. Really, I would. I mean, who can blame her...I don't like it here either. What makes me think that she likes it here and wants to come back to the awfullnes that we are dealing with?
So, last night I call her (the week is up).
"Hey, we need to talk about you flying home to us. What have you figured out?", I say with a bright and chipper sticatto.
"I'm working on it. I've been busy. I told you I am not leaving. You are not home. I am home and I don't like NY. I am not leaving.", she replied.
(I wanted to loose my cool. Scream at her that I own her and she better get her ass on a plane when I tell her to with no questions asked. Why didn't I raise a doormat?)
"Sweetie, honey, I gave you a week to figure it out and you haven't done that. We need to figure this out because the longer I wait the more expensive a ticket is going to be. I need this figured tonight", I calmly say back.
"I told you I've been busy Mom. (Oh, yeah, swimming with friends and overnights at the beach) Go ahead a buy me a ticket but I am not leaving", she says almost tersely.
Then it ensues into the Mom arguement of she's only 17 and she may not like it but she does not have the leisure to say "NO" about this until she's 18. (lame huh?)
She counters my "you need to come back (can't say the word home, she already told me NY is not home) and homeschool" ploy with the arguement that we don't homeschool and she's getting more done on her own than she ever did with me. (ouch!)
We came really close to "yes you are!" and "no I"m not!" but we didn't.
I finally said, "You have to come up with a date and if you don't have your plans to stay figured out by that date than you need to agree to come back to your family."
Dead silence.
"I'll call you tomorrow, Mom"
"OK talk to you tomorrow (you brave, powerful, not a doormat, frustrating, kick ass daughter of mine) honey."

She's not leaving on that jet plane.

THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP....DOESN'T IT?

Yesterday horrid sister parked her car in my mother-in-laws driveway in such a way that neither one of her brothers could park there. Husband had to park on the side of the road.
That about sums it up...doesn't it?

BEAT THE DRUM SLOWER SO THAT I MAY FEEL DOUBLE TIME

I am awake much too early. For me, anyway.
Today is the day that husband and his brother are going into their family home to put post it notes on items of the personal property that they want. It's a shitty out of court settlement. They each get 2 1/2 hours individually to complete an impossible task. Hopefully it well get the ball rolling and we can ditch the East Coast.
I feel like I'm stuck in humid sludge and I can't move. Can't breath. Can't focus on anything worth focusing on.
I want to hold husband. Do not let him go into the house alone. But I must, that is the agreement. Something that I've learned in the last couple of months is that we are honorable people....horrid sister is not. Horrid sister is quite disturbed.
Husband is equipped with a voice activated recorder, a digital camera, a cell phone, pre-marked post its (his are blue and extra sticky), and a list that we have made. How unprotected he is. How vulnerable. He has not set foot into his parent's home since his mother has died.
She (you know who) cut everyone off as soon as their mom was buried. No access, no telling. I can't imagine what today will bring for her brothers. Her cruelty is.....no good words...just is.
I'm so.........just so......just so unable to express myself.
Can you beat the drum slower so that I may feel double time?

SOMTIMES YOU GUESS RIGHT

We often have to stay in a hotel when we are at one of our art shows. This time we are doing a big-deal wholesale show. The preparation has taken us weeks. We've created brochures, changed our prices, talked and talked and talked to lots of other folks who do this thing.
It's my job to book the hotel and figure out all the logistics. I bounce between expedia and orbitz and priceline. This time there was quite a learning curve of deciding to stay in the city (hotel cost and pay for parking) or stay outside of the city (hotel cost and pay the toll on the bridge and then pay for parking). After a week of looking I decided on staying outside of the city at a Ramada (over the Days Inn). Oh my, I chose right! The Ramada was recently bought by a family from India. The people are friendy. They have cool names like...Rashmi. And the best.....the hotel restaraunt is Indian. How could they have known that I love Indian food. The decor in the restaraunt is beautiful. At breakfast this morning they gave husband some groovy Indian chutneys for his eggs. I love it here.
Must go and have M&M's and HBO......
Sometimes you guess right.

ENJOY

My best friend, Andrew, dubbed my cheesecake "orgasmic". I think it's pretty damn close.
It was a staple in my baking business and since I'm on a recipe roll.......


VICTORIA’S ORGASMIC CHEESECAKE

Preheat oven to 375
INGREDIENTS:
Crust:
1/2 C. sugar
1 sick of butter
1 C. flour
2 t. cinnamon
1 C. walnuts or pecans

Filling:
1 1/2 lbs. Cream cheese
1 C. sugar
3 eggs
1/2 t. vanilla

Topping:
1 pint sour cream
2 T. sugar
a dash of vanilla


Combine all crust ingredients in a food processor and pulse until combined. Press into a 9” springform pan. Evenly cover the bottom and halfway up the sides.

Cream the cream cheese, vanilla, and sugar together. ( I always start with the cream cheese and beat it for a few seconds so it is smooth.) When fully blended it will be creamy. Pour over crust and bake for about 40 min. The cake is done when the center jiggles like firm Jell-O. Remove from oven.

TURN OVEN TEMP UP TO 500
Mix sour cream, sugar, and vanilla until creamy. Pour over slightly cooled cheesecake. Put in oven for 5 min. to let the topping set. After the cake is cool refridgerate for at least 6 hours before serving.

This cheesecake was a hit in our “Moonstone Baking” business. It is creamy (not at all like a NY style cheesecake) with a crunchy nut crust. In the Fall try laying sliced pears in the bottom before pouring in the filling. Autumn Cheesecake….YUM!! Enjoy!

THE COVETTED CHEESECAKE RECIPE

My mother-in-law, Audrey, was a great cook. She took great care and concern in the kitchen.
When I was pregnant with daughter #1 I came up with this hair-brain idea that I should bake desserts for restaraunts. Audrey, at some point in her life, used to make cheesecakes and sell them. These cheesecakes are a matter of legend in my husband's family history.
So, Audrey calls me up and offers me her cheesecake recipe. The covetted cheesecake recipe. The recipe that Audrey used to make ends meet. The recipe that she "wows" friends and family with. The recipe that her godson begs her for whenever she visits him. THAT CHEESECAKE RECIPE. We are talking about 17 years ago here. I remember sitting at our kitchen table and writing it down.
The sad part is....I never made the cheesecake. I had my own cheesecake recipe that I wanted to use. My own cheesecake recipe that I used to "wow" friends and family with. I politely wrote it down and put it into a notebook holder that I put all my recipes in. I used my own cheesecake recipe to "wow" the restaraunts and it was a mainstay in my baking business...just like Audrey's recipe was to hers.
Jump forward to the present and the planning of Audrey's Memorial......
Most of the family is gathered around and thinking of foods to serve. The cheesecake recipe comes up but no one has a copy of it (or so we think). We do not have access to Audrey's house so no one can go and look for it. Then......I remember sitting at the kitchen table all those years ago writing down her recipe. "Oh my God!", I say, "I think I've got it in my recipe file."
And I did. It was made for the memorial. I made one and my sister-in-law made one. They were great!!
Audrey is deceased. She has left her physical body. May her cheesecake live on.........


AUDREY’S CHEESECAKE RECIPE

Preheat oven to 350.

Crust:
10 Social Teas or equal amount of Graham Crackers crushed
1 T. Butter at room temp.
1 T. Sugar
Cream the butter and sugar together (this can be done by hand) and add the crushed cookies or crackers.
Press into a springform pan. (I think that a 9” or 10” size will do.)


Filling:
2 lbs. Cream cheese at room temp.
6 Eggs
1 1/2 C. Sugar
2 T. Flour
1 T. melted Butter
1/2 pint Sour Cream
1/4 C. Heavy Cream
1 t. Vanilla
Using a blender, blend at low to medium speed until completely mixed together.
If your blender can’t handle all of the ingredients at once then 1/2 the recipe and do two different batches that you can combine in a big bowl.

Spread onto the crust 1/4 C. jam of your choice.

Pour in the filling.
Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour. After 1 hour turn off the oven and crack the oven door open. Let stand in there for 1 hour.


May I take a moment here and say that I feel really special. Audrey gave me the recipe. Me. I think she saw a kindred spirit in me. Who knows. I do know that it was me.
Me....The covetted cheesecake recipe.

ENJOY YOUR LATKES GUILT FREE

I have been thinking about my deceased mother-in-law a lot lately. No wonder because we are still in the horrible entanglement of her estate. I just can't even talk about anymore it makes us so upset.
This is Audrey's latke recipe....with a good story.

INGREDIENTS:
9 large russet potatoes, peeled
3 small onions, grated
3 eggs
1 tsp. Oil
salt and pepper to taste
Oil for frying

DIRECTIONS:
Take 3 of your potatoes and boil and mash them. ()You may add milk and buter to your mashed potatoes if you wish.) Set your mashed potatoes aside.
Grate the remaining potatoes. Put in a large bowl. As you are putting your grated potatoes in your bowl press out excess liquid.
Add your mashed potatoes, onion, eggs, oil, salt, and pepper.
Mix all together.
Heat a frying pan, griddle or cast iron skillet over medium high heat with a layer of oil on the bottom of the pan.
Wash your hands and grab a handful of potato batter and shape it into a circle about 2-3 inches in diameter and about 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. It is all personal preference.
Fry latkes. When golden and crisp on each side, drain them on paper towels.


When my Mother-In-Law, Audrey Thomas, was pregnant with her first child her father took her out to lunch at Ratners Dairy Restaurant. Ratners was a well known Jewish Orthodox Kosher restaurant on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. As they were finishing their meal their waiter came by asking how everything was. Audrey replied that her potato latkes were so wonderful and how great it would be to have the recipe. The waiter became distressed and did an about face into the kitchen. Audrey could see into the kitchen through the windows of the big swinging kitchen doors. She saw the waiter making frantic gestures to one of the cooks. Both the waiter and the cook came out into the dining room in heated discussion. The cook had a large ladle in his hand and was pointing it directly at Audrey. They both went back into the kitchen gesturing and discussing. The waiter then came out and handed Audrey a piece of paper with a handwritten recipe on it. He told her that Ratners is a restaurant and selling their food is their livelihood. It was against their policy to share recipes. But since it was quite obvious that Audrey was pregnant they had a religious philosophical conundrum. In the Jewish Orthodox faith it is believed that if a pregnant woman makes a request of someone that someone must oblige if it is at all humanly possible. Of course it was possible (even though they had a “no share” policy) for them to give her their recipe so they had to. He asked her to not share the recipe with anyone.
So Audrey got her recipe and she didn’t share it for many years. Ratners has since closed so you can enjoy your latkes guilt free!!

GODMOTHER

I've been checking email every 5 minutes. At least it seems like every 5 minutes. Looking for that response to an email that was sent. What will they say? How will they respond? Why the hell can't this just be talked through?
The frustrations still continue........

Today I fly to Montana with my Mom. We are off to the wedding of our God-daughter. Fun factor high!! It is going to be fun to be at a wedding. It is going to feel so good to be close to the West Coast. I am going to drink Moose Drool beer (one of my favorites). I am going to see my cousins (not really related, but close enough) that I haven't seen in years. To be West, drink, laugh, shed a few sentimental tears of joy, and connect with loved ones. I'm looking forward to it.
Sarah is my god-daughter. I really don't know her very well. She arrived on the planet when I was a teen. Soon after, my parents moved to Saudi Arabia and I was in England at boarding school. I got back to the states and did college...and on, and on. When my parents moved back to the states there was a distance between Sarah's parents and mine. I have no idea what happenned. Not really anything, I think. They just grew apart.
I grew up with Sarah's older brothers. As a child I loved them with all my heart. I haven't seen them in probably 20 years. Sarah's mom is my godmother. I see her every couple of years or so. We are friendly. Not close but we both have great affection for one another. I always look she and Uncle Vic up when we are doing a show near them.
I've been thinking a lot about this role as Godmother. "Godmother: A female sponsor of a child at baptism." At a young age I promised to make sure that Sarah kept in keeping with the faith that she was being baptised in. Episcopalian. I haven't been an Episcopalian since my early twenties. I am not a religious person. Very spiritual. New Age. Hippy. I'm a Goddess worshiper, Jewish, Unitarian Universalist and just about any other good woo-woo thing you can come up with. I have no idea what Sarah believes in. Honestly, I don't really know her. Love her from a distance. So glad that she is on the planet. Oh, yes!!!
So, I feel that it is most important to travel to Montana and look her in the eye. Ask, "Are you good with God/Goddess or whatever greater power you believe in?". Hopefully she will say, "Yes". I can then know that I have performed a Godmotherly duty. I can say, "We're good here".
For a wedding gift husband and I created a ceramic sculpture called "The Guide". It is a woman's face (mine but manipulated to not look like me so much) with a map coming out of one side of it like it were hair. One of her eye's is an antique compas (a real one, glued in). Her eye that you can see is closed. This sculpure is my physical interpretation of my role as Godmother. There is the map, the compass, the inward eye to your spirit. Man, I hope she likes it. It might be too "out there" for her taste. Oh well. It is from the heart and that's what counts.
So, today I am off to be Godmotherly with Mom the other Godmother.
Godmother.

I'M DONE

To a crispy fried beyond golden brown. I'm done.

My hair is puffed beyond recognition smoking like a rocket. I'm done.
My once melon-like breasts are crumbly dried hot peppers. I'm done.
My round goddess-like figure is pussy and stale. I'm done.
My legs that have held my body are stilts of dead wood. I'm done.
My feet that bear the burden of all of me are flat and sore. I'm done.
My aura is an undescribable mess of drab. I'm done.

May I go home now Mother?
May I now cool myself in the waters of my home?

I am longing to feel the cool night air licking my cheeks. Caressing my ankles.
I am longing to take this shrivelled up clump of me and fix it up right.
Pour home water on it, feed it garden food, and have the night heavens breath life back into it.

May I go home now Mother?
I'm done.

AS IT SHOULD BE

My husband and his brother got a letter from Horrid Sister. Basically the jist is....Mom loved and trusted me best and you are just going to have to live with yourselves. She is horrid alright. Now she is saying that she will only allow her brothers into the house one at a time with post it notes. Each brother gets to walk around with a pad of post its and put a post it on what he wants. Then whenever probate is over they get to come and pick up whatever is theirs. And we guess that she will decide who gets what when they both want the same thing or if either of them wants what she wants.
Wow!!! Isn't she the poster woman for fairness? No other family member is allowed in.
What a trip huh? There are things that Michael is interested in and we want to go and look at them to see if we really want that in our house. Imagine that? How insane and unreasonable of us. I have been in my M-I-L's house many times. I lived in that house for almost a year but for the life of me I can't remember what her bureau looks like or if the trundle bed in the guest room is really something that we want to drag across the country. What a pain. A royal fucking pain.
My husband and I wrote a letter to Horrid Sister trying to appeal to her sense of fairness and trying to just get her to do the just thing. Oh NO!!!!! It's not a part of her make up these days. She said in her letter that she knows for certain that her mother had no intention of giving anything to her son's spouses. That must be why about 7 weeks before she died she wanted me to walk through her house with her and tell her what I wanted. I really didn't want to do that with her so I put her off and we made a plan that I would do it with her when we got back from Florida. Frankly, there really isn't anything that I want for myself that is in that house. I am interested in deciding with my husband what is best to bring into our home and I am interested in things that our children want. What a witch!!!
So this weekend husband and daughter #2 and I spent time with my mom. On Sunday my mom set up a meeting with my two brothers and I. We all walked through the house and decided what we wanted. It took hours! My oldest brother only wants a few things and he was done in 15 minutes. So the rest of the day it was my other brother and myself and my mom. It was a sweet time. We walked from room to room and Mom talked about things. We learned a lot about our family history. I made lists of what everyone wanted. When we were done going through the rooms I sat down with my brother and we went through the things that we both wanted. We talked it through and when we were only down to one item we had daughter #2 flip a coin for us. Lots of stuff like nic-nacs and figurines and cake plates and dolls and beanie babies and barbies and the whole Franklin Mint collectable shit (was that my outside voice?) can all be divided later amoungst all the children and grandchildren. My brother and I had a really nice day and it felt good to give up wanting my Dad's chair knowing that now whenever my brother has dinner at my mom's house that is where he sits because he is the head of the house now. He should have that chair. He let me have the Spode Christmas China because it is really an expression of my mom and I want to always remember her using it. We split up a bureau and night table set because our Nana painted roses on them and that way we could each have one. I got the night stand that Daddo built because my brother has more toys and forts that Daddo built.
Mom is not even near death but it felt good to take care of all of it. It was a good day. As it should be.

OVER THE BRIDGE AND NORTHBOUND

This past weekend we did a show at Lincoln Center in NYC.
We stayed in a friend's loft in the village. These friends of ours are amazing jewelers that we know from the Ren Faire that we work at in Florida. In Florida they live in a converted schoolbus that has a VW bus welded to the top. The VW makes a loft and is their bedroom. The bus is painted blue and purple. They have a medieval style wooden door. They own 3 or 4 birds that travel with them and a dog named Shasta. They haved lived in the same loft for years and years. They are true Village Hippies.
We got there on Friday night and to my surprise and non-surprise their loft looks like the inside of their schoolbus. It was fun! There was also another girl there who our friends know from the Ren Faire circut. She has the most amazing cat!!! This cat is part African Servel (I don't know how one spells "servel" but this is how it is pronounced). This cat, Duncan, is amazingly large. He stands almost up to my knee and he is only a year old and not full grown. He kept us up at night wanting to play. At one point he dropped something wet, weighty, and gooey on husband's leg. Husband kicked it off and Duncan was in high chase. Ick...who knows what it was.
The show went well. It was fun to be in the city. EXHAUSTING but fun. We haven't done a show in the city for a few years and we had some people come by and remember us from other NYC shows. We had nice neighbors. A couple from Argentina and the husband does metal work. He makes all sorts of Judaica. One of our neighbors was from DC and she makes pocket books out of vintage fabrics and wool. Her stuff is neat. There was a guy who makes shirts and jackets that look like they came from the "Xanadu" movie, very 80's. And the creme de la creme was a gentleman named Michael from San Francisco who does wire sculptures. He hung them all from way up high....human figures afloat. They were wonderful!!!
We had a lovely lunch on Monday with our cousin David. He works at a music store across the street from Lincoln Center. We went to an indian restaraunt that had wonderful food.
With our bellies full, our pockets moderately stuffed with cash, and our eyelids being held up with toothpicks we drove out of the city. Over the bridge and northbound.

THE UPLIFT AND THE DOWNLIFT

My M-I-L's memorial tea was this past Saturday. I must admit that it was a lot of fun. There were a few tears but mostly it was a laughter filled hall. We set up with my brother-in-law and his family the night before and the day of. We set up card tables with tablecloths over them and put coffee mugs and teapots and paint brushes and flowers as centerpieces. It was set up like a cabaret. We had music (an original composition by daughter #2). It was the first time I heard her piece in it's entirety. Wow! My M-I-L died in the helicopter that was bringing her to the hospital. Daughter #2 explained that and told everyone the name of the piece is "flown". She was incredible. There was song. We had an MC who introduced people as they came up to the mike to tell stories. It was great!!
Horrid sister was there. She snubbed her siblings (no great surprise). She took our daughters aside and said things to them like, "I know you live with the enemy" and "No matter what your parents say about me...blah,blah,blah....". Our amazing girls held their own and politely told her that it wasn't like that in our house. Unlike her we do not engage in such talk in general.
I'm infuriated with her for doing this to my children. I am deeply saddened (sadenned? The first one looks right.) that she seems to have no filter, no sense of what you say to an adult verses what's appropriate to say to a child. It's is quite clear to me that at the moment she is venom and is not getting anywhere near my children!!!! I am also feeling like I let my girls down because I didn't see it coming. I didn't prepare them for her pulling them aside for a secret chat. What a dope!!!!! I apologized to them. I was blindsided. Well not really. In the context of everything that is going on it is true to horrid sister's character these days.
We have offered her a very reasonable settlement which was presented to her a week ago. No response.
She left a nine minute rant on her mother's best friends voice mail two weeks ago. She said that as long as she draws breath her brothers will never set foot into their mother's house. Shit...eh?
On a happier note...I've been taking a weaving class and love it. I get there at 7pm and two minutes later it is 9pm and the class is over. I love the rythm of moving my feet from treddle to treddle and gliding the shuttle over the warp. Back and forth, back and forth. It's a tidal and ancient rythm. It's sanctuary for my soul.
Like my weekend...the rythm of the uplift and the downlift.

MOVING DAY

I wish it was my moving day. Alas it is not.
Today one of our tenants is moving out. She lives in our one bedroom apartment. When she looked at the apartment I told her that if she wanted to fall in love this was the place for her. Every "single" tenant that we have had in that apartment has found the love of their lives and moved out because the apartment is really cozy and just right for one.
So, she's off with her boyfriend for their larger apartment in the sky.
Maggie is movin in and she already has a boyfriend. Wonder what that means.......
It's moving day.

TWICE

Many years ago when daughter #2 was a wee babe she had night terrors. They lasted for about six months. They started when she about a year and half old. Anyone who has lived through night terrors knows that they are frightening as hell!!
She would wake up in the middle of the night and scream. She wasn't really awake. She was in some in between place. She wouldn't let anyone touch her. She saw things that we couln't see. Her hysteria was uncomprehendable. She couln't have anything touch her which, of course, is impossible. She flailed, screamed, talked nonsense, cried. In the morning she would remember nothing and would be herself. My little old soul vibrant daughter #2.
I found that sometimes I could stop it coming. She slept next to me and there was this certain twitch that she would do right before she'd "go off the deep end". If I could catch the twitch then I could connect with her and keep her in the moment, soothe her into staying here on the planet instead heading off into places unknown to me. If I didn't catch the twitch then we discovered that if we got her outside under the stars, walk her around, try to hold onto a feral child, she would calm down, come back to us and still not remember thing in the morning.
In the daylight hours daughter #2 starting telling us a story. It was her waking story. One that came in bits and pieces over a couple month period. One of how her Mommy had left her with Daddy. Daddy was not a nice man and he killed her. Imagine how we felt? From the mouth of our babe comes a horrrific story. A very sad, very adult, very realistic in detail, horrific story.
We came to understand that our daughter. Our very young daughter was reliving her death. The night terrors we witnessed were her reliving her death. It all fell into place. We watched and listened with new ears. The things she said during her hysteria made more sense to us. They way she struggled we saw as her trying to defend herself. The daylight and night time came together as one. It was our truth. I believe it. I lived it. It was a heart wrenching time.
So, what do we do? I had a friend who is an herbologist. I saw her one day in the local health food store. I told her what was going on and was there anything that she recommened. Without skipping a beat she suggested a Bach flower remedy called "Rescue Remedy". She said that Rescue Remedy is really good at bringing people into the moment. I would have tried anything that she recommended!! Rescue Remedy worked so well!! Once we got it into her (it's drops), daughter #2 would settle down enough to be touched and it was easy to get her outside and after walking around she would wake up and then we could all go back inside.
Don't you think that is a great ending to my complicated story? Well, to that part of the story it is. The other half of the story is that someone overheard me in the health food store talking to my friend and decided that I was off my rocker. That person called Child Protective Services because night terrors can be a sign of abuse. Yes, they were right....just very, very wrong. So CPS shows up at my door one day and wants to come in and hear about my daughters' night terrors. They had already been up at school and interviewed daughter #1 and had already interviewed friends of ours. All before they got to my door. I was unnerved. I belong to a Goddess Circle and believe in honoring the Goddess. In my house I have many Goddess statues and wall hangings. I thought that I was fried. I had to sit at our kitchen table and tell the two caseworkers my strange story. Nothing ever came of it. The claim was unfounded.
I am full of the question as to why CPS has showed up at my door twice?
We are very thoughtful parents. We work on our relationship. We try to be better parents than our own. We try to always treat our children as individual humans not as extensions of ourselves.
I am hit with the realization that we live a very alternative life. People observe us and find us fascinating and frightening.
It makes me sad because I love the human race. I love life, people, the planet, all living beings (I could do without cockroaches and there you have it). I think that my children are awesome and turning out to be fantastic women. We get complimented often on how inspirational our family is. We get complimented often on how incredible our girls are.
How then does CPS show up at my door twice?
Twice?

BLUE SKIES OUT THERE

We had a very good weekend. It was our first time doing this particular show and it was fun. We had great neighbors. On one side we had a woman from Isreal who made jewelry out of bottle caps and on the other a husband and wife who make hand-made chenille jackets. We laughed a lot. We ate chocolate. It poured!! I was very glad that I decided to book us under the big top. We saw many of our customers that we haven't seen in a while. Which means that it was a good thing that we sent out a mailing.
I want to share with you a few of the artists that really caught my eye. At every show that we go to we all try to walk around and look at stuff. During dinner we usually discuss the things that intrigued us. It's fun to know what each other is attracted to and why. Two of my favorites are href="http://www.monaadisabrooks.com">Mona and href+"http://www.primitivetwig.com">Bill & Marcia Finks. Mona makes funky dolls and other sculptures. The Finks' do metal sculpture. I bought a metal sculpture from Bill a month ago. It's a pair of old spice tins made into a couple. We call them the Mccormicks and we just love them!!
This blog took me a couple of days because I wanted to put the links in. One day to think that I wanted to to it. One day to print out the instructions. One day to ignore the instructions. One day to try and use them.
Tomorrow is daughter #1's interview with the CPS caseworker. Hopefully this will all be over soon. But, I do see blue skies out there.