I am awake much too early. For me, anyway.
Today is the day that husband and his brother are going into their family home to put post it notes on items of the personal property that they want. It's a shitty out of court settlement. They each get 2 1/2 hours individually to complete an impossible task. Hopefully it well get the ball rolling and we can ditch the East Coast.
I feel like I'm stuck in humid sludge and I can't move. Can't breath. Can't focus on anything worth focusing on.
I want to hold husband. Do not let him go into the house alone. But I must, that is the agreement. Something that I've learned in the last couple of months is that we are honorable people....horrid sister is not. Horrid sister is quite disturbed.
Husband is equipped with a voice activated recorder, a digital camera, a cell phone, pre-marked post its (his are blue and extra sticky), and a list that we have made. How unprotected he is. How vulnerable. He has not set foot into his parent's home since his mother has died.
She (you know who) cut everyone off as soon as their mom was buried. No access, no telling. I can't imagine what today will bring for her brothers. Her cruelty is.....no good words...just is.
I'm so.........just so......just so unable to express myself.
Can you beat the drum slower so that I may feel double time?
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
SOMTIMES YOU GUESS RIGHT
We often have to stay in a hotel when we are at one of our art shows. This time we are doing a big-deal wholesale show. The preparation has taken us weeks. We've created brochures, changed our prices, talked and talked and talked to lots of other folks who do this thing.
It's my job to book the hotel and figure out all the logistics. I bounce between expedia and orbitz and priceline. This time there was quite a learning curve of deciding to stay in the city (hotel cost and pay for parking) or stay outside of the city (hotel cost and pay the toll on the bridge and then pay for parking). After a week of looking I decided on staying outside of the city at a Ramada (over the Days Inn). Oh my, I chose right! The Ramada was recently bought by a family from India. The people are friendy. They have cool names like...Rashmi. And the best.....the hotel restaraunt is Indian. How could they have known that I love Indian food. The decor in the restaraunt is beautiful. At breakfast this morning they gave husband some groovy Indian chutneys for his eggs. I love it here.
Must go and have M&M's and HBO......
Sometimes you guess right.
It's my job to book the hotel and figure out all the logistics. I bounce between expedia and orbitz and priceline. This time there was quite a learning curve of deciding to stay in the city (hotel cost and pay for parking) or stay outside of the city (hotel cost and pay the toll on the bridge and then pay for parking). After a week of looking I decided on staying outside of the city at a Ramada (over the Days Inn). Oh my, I chose right! The Ramada was recently bought by a family from India. The people are friendy. They have cool names like...Rashmi. And the best.....the hotel restaraunt is Indian. How could they have known that I love Indian food. The decor in the restaraunt is beautiful. At breakfast this morning they gave husband some groovy Indian chutneys for his eggs. I love it here.
Must go and have M&M's and HBO......
Sometimes you guess right.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
ENJOY
My best friend, Andrew, dubbed my cheesecake "orgasmic". I think it's pretty damn close.
It was a staple in my baking business and since I'm on a recipe roll.......
VICTORIA’S ORGASMIC CHEESECAKE
Preheat oven to 375
INGREDIENTS:
Crust:
1/2 C. sugar
1 sick of butter
1 C. flour
2 t. cinnamon
1 C. walnuts or pecans
Filling:
1 1/2 lbs. Cream cheese
1 C. sugar
3 eggs
1/2 t. vanilla
Topping:
1 pint sour cream
2 T. sugar
a dash of vanilla
Combine all crust ingredients in a food processor and pulse until combined. Press into a 9” springform pan. Evenly cover the bottom and halfway up the sides.
Cream the cream cheese, vanilla, and sugar together. ( I always start with the cream cheese and beat it for a few seconds so it is smooth.) When fully blended it will be creamy. Pour over crust and bake for about 40 min. The cake is done when the center jiggles like firm Jell-O. Remove from oven.
TURN OVEN TEMP UP TO 500
Mix sour cream, sugar, and vanilla until creamy. Pour over slightly cooled cheesecake. Put in oven for 5 min. to let the topping set. After the cake is cool refridgerate for at least 6 hours before serving.
This cheesecake was a hit in our “Moonstone Baking” business. It is creamy (not at all like a NY style cheesecake) with a crunchy nut crust. In the Fall try laying sliced pears in the bottom before pouring in the filling. Autumn Cheesecake….YUM!! Enjoy!
It was a staple in my baking business and since I'm on a recipe roll.......
VICTORIA’S ORGASMIC CHEESECAKE
Preheat oven to 375
INGREDIENTS:
Crust:
1/2 C. sugar
1 sick of butter
1 C. flour
2 t. cinnamon
1 C. walnuts or pecans
Filling:
1 1/2 lbs. Cream cheese
1 C. sugar
3 eggs
1/2 t. vanilla
Topping:
1 pint sour cream
2 T. sugar
a dash of vanilla
Combine all crust ingredients in a food processor and pulse until combined. Press into a 9” springform pan. Evenly cover the bottom and halfway up the sides.
Cream the cream cheese, vanilla, and sugar together. ( I always start with the cream cheese and beat it for a few seconds so it is smooth.) When fully blended it will be creamy. Pour over crust and bake for about 40 min. The cake is done when the center jiggles like firm Jell-O. Remove from oven.
TURN OVEN TEMP UP TO 500
Mix sour cream, sugar, and vanilla until creamy. Pour over slightly cooled cheesecake. Put in oven for 5 min. to let the topping set. After the cake is cool refridgerate for at least 6 hours before serving.
This cheesecake was a hit in our “Moonstone Baking” business. It is creamy (not at all like a NY style cheesecake) with a crunchy nut crust. In the Fall try laying sliced pears in the bottom before pouring in the filling. Autumn Cheesecake….YUM!! Enjoy!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
THE COVETTED CHEESECAKE RECIPE
My mother-in-law, Audrey, was a great cook. She took great care and concern in the kitchen.
When I was pregnant with daughter #1 I came up with this hair-brain idea that I should bake desserts for restaraunts. Audrey, at some point in her life, used to make cheesecakes and sell them. These cheesecakes are a matter of legend in my husband's family history.
So, Audrey calls me up and offers me her cheesecake recipe. The covetted cheesecake recipe. The recipe that Audrey used to make ends meet. The recipe that she "wows" friends and family with. The recipe that her godson begs her for whenever she visits him. THAT CHEESECAKE RECIPE. We are talking about 17 years ago here. I remember sitting at our kitchen table and writing it down.
The sad part is....I never made the cheesecake. I had my own cheesecake recipe that I wanted to use. My own cheesecake recipe that I used to "wow" friends and family with. I politely wrote it down and put it into a notebook holder that I put all my recipes in. I used my own cheesecake recipe to "wow" the restaraunts and it was a mainstay in my baking business...just like Audrey's recipe was to hers.
Jump forward to the present and the planning of Audrey's Memorial......
Most of the family is gathered around and thinking of foods to serve. The cheesecake recipe comes up but no one has a copy of it (or so we think). We do not have access to Audrey's house so no one can go and look for it. Then......I remember sitting at the kitchen table all those years ago writing down her recipe. "Oh my God!", I say, "I think I've got it in my recipe file."
And I did. It was made for the memorial. I made one and my sister-in-law made one. They were great!!
Audrey is deceased. She has left her physical body. May her cheesecake live on.........
AUDREY’S CHEESECAKE RECIPE
Preheat oven to 350.
Crust:
10 Social Teas or equal amount of Graham Crackers crushed
1 T. Butter at room temp.
1 T. Sugar
Cream the butter and sugar together (this can be done by hand) and add the crushed cookies or crackers.
Press into a springform pan. (I think that a 9” or 10” size will do.)
Filling:
2 lbs. Cream cheese at room temp.
6 Eggs
1 1/2 C. Sugar
2 T. Flour
1 T. melted Butter
1/2 pint Sour Cream
1/4 C. Heavy Cream
1 t. Vanilla
Using a blender, blend at low to medium speed until completely mixed together.
If your blender can’t handle all of the ingredients at once then 1/2 the recipe and do two different batches that you can combine in a big bowl.
Spread onto the crust 1/4 C. jam of your choice.
Pour in the filling.
Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour. After 1 hour turn off the oven and crack the oven door open. Let stand in there for 1 hour.
May I take a moment here and say that I feel really special. Audrey gave me the recipe. Me. I think she saw a kindred spirit in me. Who knows. I do know that it was me.
Me....The covetted cheesecake recipe.
When I was pregnant with daughter #1 I came up with this hair-brain idea that I should bake desserts for restaraunts. Audrey, at some point in her life, used to make cheesecakes and sell them. These cheesecakes are a matter of legend in my husband's family history.
So, Audrey calls me up and offers me her cheesecake recipe. The covetted cheesecake recipe. The recipe that Audrey used to make ends meet. The recipe that she "wows" friends and family with. The recipe that her godson begs her for whenever she visits him. THAT CHEESECAKE RECIPE. We are talking about 17 years ago here. I remember sitting at our kitchen table and writing it down.
The sad part is....I never made the cheesecake. I had my own cheesecake recipe that I wanted to use. My own cheesecake recipe that I used to "wow" friends and family with. I politely wrote it down and put it into a notebook holder that I put all my recipes in. I used my own cheesecake recipe to "wow" the restaraunts and it was a mainstay in my baking business...just like Audrey's recipe was to hers.
Jump forward to the present and the planning of Audrey's Memorial......
Most of the family is gathered around and thinking of foods to serve. The cheesecake recipe comes up but no one has a copy of it (or so we think). We do not have access to Audrey's house so no one can go and look for it. Then......I remember sitting at the kitchen table all those years ago writing down her recipe. "Oh my God!", I say, "I think I've got it in my recipe file."
And I did. It was made for the memorial. I made one and my sister-in-law made one. They were great!!
Audrey is deceased. She has left her physical body. May her cheesecake live on.........
AUDREY’S CHEESECAKE RECIPE
Preheat oven to 350.
Crust:
10 Social Teas or equal amount of Graham Crackers crushed
1 T. Butter at room temp.
1 T. Sugar
Cream the butter and sugar together (this can be done by hand) and add the crushed cookies or crackers.
Press into a springform pan. (I think that a 9” or 10” size will do.)
Filling:
2 lbs. Cream cheese at room temp.
6 Eggs
1 1/2 C. Sugar
2 T. Flour
1 T. melted Butter
1/2 pint Sour Cream
1/4 C. Heavy Cream
1 t. Vanilla
Using a blender, blend at low to medium speed until completely mixed together.
If your blender can’t handle all of the ingredients at once then 1/2 the recipe and do two different batches that you can combine in a big bowl.
Spread onto the crust 1/4 C. jam of your choice.
Pour in the filling.
Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour. After 1 hour turn off the oven and crack the oven door open. Let stand in there for 1 hour.
May I take a moment here and say that I feel really special. Audrey gave me the recipe. Me. I think she saw a kindred spirit in me. Who knows. I do know that it was me.
Me....The covetted cheesecake recipe.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
ENJOY YOUR LATKES GUILT FREE
I have been thinking about my deceased mother-in-law a lot lately. No wonder because we are still in the horrible entanglement of her estate. I just can't even talk about anymore it makes us so upset.
This is Audrey's latke recipe....with a good story.
INGREDIENTS:
9 large russet potatoes, peeled
3 small onions, grated
3 eggs
1 tsp. Oil
salt and pepper to taste
Oil for frying
DIRECTIONS:
Take 3 of your potatoes and boil and mash them. ()You may add milk and buter to your mashed potatoes if you wish.) Set your mashed potatoes aside.
Grate the remaining potatoes. Put in a large bowl. As you are putting your grated potatoes in your bowl press out excess liquid.
Add your mashed potatoes, onion, eggs, oil, salt, and pepper.
Mix all together.
Heat a frying pan, griddle or cast iron skillet over medium high heat with a layer of oil on the bottom of the pan.
Wash your hands and grab a handful of potato batter and shape it into a circle about 2-3 inches in diameter and about 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. It is all personal preference.
Fry latkes. When golden and crisp on each side, drain them on paper towels.
When my Mother-In-Law, Audrey Thomas, was pregnant with her first child her father took her out to lunch at Ratners Dairy Restaurant. Ratners was a well known Jewish Orthodox Kosher restaurant on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. As they were finishing their meal their waiter came by asking how everything was. Audrey replied that her potato latkes were so wonderful and how great it would be to have the recipe. The waiter became distressed and did an about face into the kitchen. Audrey could see into the kitchen through the windows of the big swinging kitchen doors. She saw the waiter making frantic gestures to one of the cooks. Both the waiter and the cook came out into the dining room in heated discussion. The cook had a large ladle in his hand and was pointing it directly at Audrey. They both went back into the kitchen gesturing and discussing. The waiter then came out and handed Audrey a piece of paper with a handwritten recipe on it. He told her that Ratners is a restaurant and selling their food is their livelihood. It was against their policy to share recipes. But since it was quite obvious that Audrey was pregnant they had a religious philosophical conundrum. In the Jewish Orthodox faith it is believed that if a pregnant woman makes a request of someone that someone must oblige if it is at all humanly possible. Of course it was possible (even though they had a “no share” policy) for them to give her their recipe so they had to. He asked her to not share the recipe with anyone.
So Audrey got her recipe and she didn’t share it for many years. Ratners has since closed so you can enjoy your latkes guilt free!!
This is Audrey's latke recipe....with a good story.
INGREDIENTS:
9 large russet potatoes, peeled
3 small onions, grated
3 eggs
1 tsp. Oil
salt and pepper to taste
Oil for frying
DIRECTIONS:
Take 3 of your potatoes and boil and mash them. ()You may add milk and buter to your mashed potatoes if you wish.) Set your mashed potatoes aside.
Grate the remaining potatoes. Put in a large bowl. As you are putting your grated potatoes in your bowl press out excess liquid.
Add your mashed potatoes, onion, eggs, oil, salt, and pepper.
Mix all together.
Heat a frying pan, griddle or cast iron skillet over medium high heat with a layer of oil on the bottom of the pan.
Wash your hands and grab a handful of potato batter and shape it into a circle about 2-3 inches in diameter and about 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. It is all personal preference.
Fry latkes. When golden and crisp on each side, drain them on paper towels.
When my Mother-In-Law, Audrey Thomas, was pregnant with her first child her father took her out to lunch at Ratners Dairy Restaurant. Ratners was a well known Jewish Orthodox Kosher restaurant on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. As they were finishing their meal their waiter came by asking how everything was. Audrey replied that her potato latkes were so wonderful and how great it would be to have the recipe. The waiter became distressed and did an about face into the kitchen. Audrey could see into the kitchen through the windows of the big swinging kitchen doors. She saw the waiter making frantic gestures to one of the cooks. Both the waiter and the cook came out into the dining room in heated discussion. The cook had a large ladle in his hand and was pointing it directly at Audrey. They both went back into the kitchen gesturing and discussing. The waiter then came out and handed Audrey a piece of paper with a handwritten recipe on it. He told her that Ratners is a restaurant and selling their food is their livelihood. It was against their policy to share recipes. But since it was quite obvious that Audrey was pregnant they had a religious philosophical conundrum. In the Jewish Orthodox faith it is believed that if a pregnant woman makes a request of someone that someone must oblige if it is at all humanly possible. Of course it was possible (even though they had a “no share” policy) for them to give her their recipe so they had to. He asked her to not share the recipe with anyone.
So Audrey got her recipe and she didn’t share it for many years. Ratners has since closed so you can enjoy your latkes guilt free!!
Saturday, July 01, 2006
GODMOTHER
I've been checking email every 5 minutes. At least it seems like every 5 minutes. Looking for that response to an email that was sent. What will they say? How will they respond? Why the hell can't this just be talked through?
The frustrations still continue........
Today I fly to Montana with my Mom. We are off to the wedding of our God-daughter. Fun factor high!! It is going to be fun to be at a wedding. It is going to feel so good to be close to the West Coast. I am going to drink Moose Drool beer (one of my favorites). I am going to see my cousins (not really related, but close enough) that I haven't seen in years. To be West, drink, laugh, shed a few sentimental tears of joy, and connect with loved ones. I'm looking forward to it.
Sarah is my god-daughter. I really don't know her very well. She arrived on the planet when I was a teen. Soon after, my parents moved to Saudi Arabia and I was in England at boarding school. I got back to the states and did college...and on, and on. When my parents moved back to the states there was a distance between Sarah's parents and mine. I have no idea what happenned. Not really anything, I think. They just grew apart.
I grew up with Sarah's older brothers. As a child I loved them with all my heart. I haven't seen them in probably 20 years. Sarah's mom is my godmother. I see her every couple of years or so. We are friendly. Not close but we both have great affection for one another. I always look she and Uncle Vic up when we are doing a show near them.
I've been thinking a lot about this role as Godmother. "Godmother: A female sponsor of a child at baptism." At a young age I promised to make sure that Sarah kept in keeping with the faith that she was being baptised in. Episcopalian. I haven't been an Episcopalian since my early twenties. I am not a religious person. Very spiritual. New Age. Hippy. I'm a Goddess worshiper, Jewish, Unitarian Universalist and just about any other good woo-woo thing you can come up with. I have no idea what Sarah believes in. Honestly, I don't really know her. Love her from a distance. So glad that she is on the planet. Oh, yes!!!
So, I feel that it is most important to travel to Montana and look her in the eye. Ask, "Are you good with God/Goddess or whatever greater power you believe in?". Hopefully she will say, "Yes". I can then know that I have performed a Godmotherly duty. I can say, "We're good here".
For a wedding gift husband and I created a ceramic sculpture called "The Guide". It is a woman's face (mine but manipulated to not look like me so much) with a map coming out of one side of it like it were hair. One of her eye's is an antique compas (a real one, glued in). Her eye that you can see is closed. This sculpure is my physical interpretation of my role as Godmother. There is the map, the compass, the inward eye to your spirit. Man, I hope she likes it. It might be too "out there" for her taste. Oh well. It is from the heart and that's what counts.
So, today I am off to be Godmotherly with Mom the other Godmother.
Godmother.
The frustrations still continue........
Today I fly to Montana with my Mom. We are off to the wedding of our God-daughter. Fun factor high!! It is going to be fun to be at a wedding. It is going to feel so good to be close to the West Coast. I am going to drink Moose Drool beer (one of my favorites). I am going to see my cousins (not really related, but close enough) that I haven't seen in years. To be West, drink, laugh, shed a few sentimental tears of joy, and connect with loved ones. I'm looking forward to it.
Sarah is my god-daughter. I really don't know her very well. She arrived on the planet when I was a teen. Soon after, my parents moved to Saudi Arabia and I was in England at boarding school. I got back to the states and did college...and on, and on. When my parents moved back to the states there was a distance between Sarah's parents and mine. I have no idea what happenned. Not really anything, I think. They just grew apart.
I grew up with Sarah's older brothers. As a child I loved them with all my heart. I haven't seen them in probably 20 years. Sarah's mom is my godmother. I see her every couple of years or so. We are friendly. Not close but we both have great affection for one another. I always look she and Uncle Vic up when we are doing a show near them.
I've been thinking a lot about this role as Godmother. "Godmother: A female sponsor of a child at baptism." At a young age I promised to make sure that Sarah kept in keeping with the faith that she was being baptised in. Episcopalian. I haven't been an Episcopalian since my early twenties. I am not a religious person. Very spiritual. New Age. Hippy. I'm a Goddess worshiper, Jewish, Unitarian Universalist and just about any other good woo-woo thing you can come up with. I have no idea what Sarah believes in. Honestly, I don't really know her. Love her from a distance. So glad that she is on the planet. Oh, yes!!!
So, I feel that it is most important to travel to Montana and look her in the eye. Ask, "Are you good with God/Goddess or whatever greater power you believe in?". Hopefully she will say, "Yes". I can then know that I have performed a Godmotherly duty. I can say, "We're good here".
For a wedding gift husband and I created a ceramic sculpture called "The Guide". It is a woman's face (mine but manipulated to not look like me so much) with a map coming out of one side of it like it were hair. One of her eye's is an antique compas (a real one, glued in). Her eye that you can see is closed. This sculpure is my physical interpretation of my role as Godmother. There is the map, the compass, the inward eye to your spirit. Man, I hope she likes it. It might be too "out there" for her taste. Oh well. It is from the heart and that's what counts.
So, today I am off to be Godmotherly with Mom the other Godmother.
Godmother.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
I'M DONE
To a crispy fried beyond golden brown. I'm done.
My hair is puffed beyond recognition smoking like a rocket. I'm done.
My once melon-like breasts are crumbly dried hot peppers. I'm done.
My round goddess-like figure is pussy and stale. I'm done.
My legs that have held my body are stilts of dead wood. I'm done.
My feet that bear the burden of all of me are flat and sore. I'm done.
My aura is an undescribable mess of drab. I'm done.
May I go home now Mother?
May I now cool myself in the waters of my home?
I am longing to feel the cool night air licking my cheeks. Caressing my ankles.
I am longing to take this shrivelled up clump of me and fix it up right.
Pour home water on it, feed it garden food, and have the night heavens breath life back into it.
May I go home now Mother?
I'm done.
My hair is puffed beyond recognition smoking like a rocket. I'm done.
My once melon-like breasts are crumbly dried hot peppers. I'm done.
My round goddess-like figure is pussy and stale. I'm done.
My legs that have held my body are stilts of dead wood. I'm done.
My feet that bear the burden of all of me are flat and sore. I'm done.
My aura is an undescribable mess of drab. I'm done.
May I go home now Mother?
May I now cool myself in the waters of my home?
I am longing to feel the cool night air licking my cheeks. Caressing my ankles.
I am longing to take this shrivelled up clump of me and fix it up right.
Pour home water on it, feed it garden food, and have the night heavens breath life back into it.
May I go home now Mother?
I'm done.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
AS IT SHOULD BE
My husband and his brother got a letter from Horrid Sister. Basically the jist is....Mom loved and trusted me best and you are just going to have to live with yourselves. She is horrid alright. Now she is saying that she will only allow her brothers into the house one at a time with post it notes. Each brother gets to walk around with a pad of post its and put a post it on what he wants. Then whenever probate is over they get to come and pick up whatever is theirs. And we guess that she will decide who gets what when they both want the same thing or if either of them wants what she wants.
Wow!!! Isn't she the poster woman for fairness? No other family member is allowed in.
What a trip huh? There are things that Michael is interested in and we want to go and look at them to see if we really want that in our house. Imagine that? How insane and unreasonable of us. I have been in my M-I-L's house many times. I lived in that house for almost a year but for the life of me I can't remember what her bureau looks like or if the trundle bed in the guest room is really something that we want to drag across the country. What a pain. A royal fucking pain.
My husband and I wrote a letter to Horrid Sister trying to appeal to her sense of fairness and trying to just get her to do the just thing. Oh NO!!!!! It's not a part of her make up these days. She said in her letter that she knows for certain that her mother had no intention of giving anything to her son's spouses. That must be why about 7 weeks before she died she wanted me to walk through her house with her and tell her what I wanted. I really didn't want to do that with her so I put her off and we made a plan that I would do it with her when we got back from Florida. Frankly, there really isn't anything that I want for myself that is in that house. I am interested in deciding with my husband what is best to bring into our home and I am interested in things that our children want. What a witch!!!
So this weekend husband and daughter #2 and I spent time with my mom. On Sunday my mom set up a meeting with my two brothers and I. We all walked through the house and decided what we wanted. It took hours! My oldest brother only wants a few things and he was done in 15 minutes. So the rest of the day it was my other brother and myself and my mom. It was a sweet time. We walked from room to room and Mom talked about things. We learned a lot about our family history. I made lists of what everyone wanted. When we were done going through the rooms I sat down with my brother and we went through the things that we both wanted. We talked it through and when we were only down to one item we had daughter #2 flip a coin for us. Lots of stuff like nic-nacs and figurines and cake plates and dolls and beanie babies and barbies and the whole Franklin Mint collectable shit (was that my outside voice?) can all be divided later amoungst all the children and grandchildren. My brother and I had a really nice day and it felt good to give up wanting my Dad's chair knowing that now whenever my brother has dinner at my mom's house that is where he sits because he is the head of the house now. He should have that chair. He let me have the Spode Christmas China because it is really an expression of my mom and I want to always remember her using it. We split up a bureau and night table set because our Nana painted roses on them and that way we could each have one. I got the night stand that Daddo built because my brother has more toys and forts that Daddo built.
Mom is not even near death but it felt good to take care of all of it. It was a good day. As it should be.
Wow!!! Isn't she the poster woman for fairness? No other family member is allowed in.
What a trip huh? There are things that Michael is interested in and we want to go and look at them to see if we really want that in our house. Imagine that? How insane and unreasonable of us. I have been in my M-I-L's house many times. I lived in that house for almost a year but for the life of me I can't remember what her bureau looks like or if the trundle bed in the guest room is really something that we want to drag across the country. What a pain. A royal fucking pain.
My husband and I wrote a letter to Horrid Sister trying to appeal to her sense of fairness and trying to just get her to do the just thing. Oh NO!!!!! It's not a part of her make up these days. She said in her letter that she knows for certain that her mother had no intention of giving anything to her son's spouses. That must be why about 7 weeks before she died she wanted me to walk through her house with her and tell her what I wanted. I really didn't want to do that with her so I put her off and we made a plan that I would do it with her when we got back from Florida. Frankly, there really isn't anything that I want for myself that is in that house. I am interested in deciding with my husband what is best to bring into our home and I am interested in things that our children want. What a witch!!!
So this weekend husband and daughter #2 and I spent time with my mom. On Sunday my mom set up a meeting with my two brothers and I. We all walked through the house and decided what we wanted. It took hours! My oldest brother only wants a few things and he was done in 15 minutes. So the rest of the day it was my other brother and myself and my mom. It was a sweet time. We walked from room to room and Mom talked about things. We learned a lot about our family history. I made lists of what everyone wanted. When we were done going through the rooms I sat down with my brother and we went through the things that we both wanted. We talked it through and when we were only down to one item we had daughter #2 flip a coin for us. Lots of stuff like nic-nacs and figurines and cake plates and dolls and beanie babies and barbies and the whole Franklin Mint collectable shit (was that my outside voice?) can all be divided later amoungst all the children and grandchildren. My brother and I had a really nice day and it felt good to give up wanting my Dad's chair knowing that now whenever my brother has dinner at my mom's house that is where he sits because he is the head of the house now. He should have that chair. He let me have the Spode Christmas China because it is really an expression of my mom and I want to always remember her using it. We split up a bureau and night table set because our Nana painted roses on them and that way we could each have one. I got the night stand that Daddo built because my brother has more toys and forts that Daddo built.
Mom is not even near death but it felt good to take care of all of it. It was a good day. As it should be.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
OVER THE BRIDGE AND NORTHBOUND
This past weekend we did a show at Lincoln Center in NYC.
We stayed in a friend's loft in the village. These friends of ours are amazing jewelers that we know from the Ren Faire that we work at in Florida. In Florida they live in a converted schoolbus that has a VW bus welded to the top. The VW makes a loft and is their bedroom. The bus is painted blue and purple. They have a medieval style wooden door. They own 3 or 4 birds that travel with them and a dog named Shasta. They haved lived in the same loft for years and years. They are true Village Hippies.
We got there on Friday night and to my surprise and non-surprise their loft looks like the inside of their schoolbus. It was fun! There was also another girl there who our friends know from the Ren Faire circut. She has the most amazing cat!!! This cat is part African Servel (I don't know how one spells "servel" but this is how it is pronounced). This cat, Duncan, is amazingly large. He stands almost up to my knee and he is only a year old and not full grown. He kept us up at night wanting to play. At one point he dropped something wet, weighty, and gooey on husband's leg. Husband kicked it off and Duncan was in high chase. Ick...who knows what it was.
The show went well. It was fun to be in the city. EXHAUSTING but fun. We haven't done a show in the city for a few years and we had some people come by and remember us from other NYC shows. We had nice neighbors. A couple from Argentina and the husband does metal work. He makes all sorts of Judaica. One of our neighbors was from DC and she makes pocket books out of vintage fabrics and wool. Her stuff is neat. There was a guy who makes shirts and jackets that look like they came from the "Xanadu" movie, very 80's. And the creme de la creme was a gentleman named Michael from San Francisco who does wire sculptures. He hung them all from way up high....human figures afloat. They were wonderful!!!
We had a lovely lunch on Monday with our cousin David. He works at a music store across the street from Lincoln Center. We went to an indian restaraunt that had wonderful food.
With our bellies full, our pockets moderately stuffed with cash, and our eyelids being held up with toothpicks we drove out of the city. Over the bridge and northbound.
We stayed in a friend's loft in the village. These friends of ours are amazing jewelers that we know from the Ren Faire that we work at in Florida. In Florida they live in a converted schoolbus that has a VW bus welded to the top. The VW makes a loft and is their bedroom. The bus is painted blue and purple. They have a medieval style wooden door. They own 3 or 4 birds that travel with them and a dog named Shasta. They haved lived in the same loft for years and years. They are true Village Hippies.
We got there on Friday night and to my surprise and non-surprise their loft looks like the inside of their schoolbus. It was fun! There was also another girl there who our friends know from the Ren Faire circut. She has the most amazing cat!!! This cat is part African Servel (I don't know how one spells "servel" but this is how it is pronounced). This cat, Duncan, is amazingly large. He stands almost up to my knee and he is only a year old and not full grown. He kept us up at night wanting to play. At one point he dropped something wet, weighty, and gooey on husband's leg. Husband kicked it off and Duncan was in high chase. Ick...who knows what it was.
The show went well. It was fun to be in the city. EXHAUSTING but fun. We haven't done a show in the city for a few years and we had some people come by and remember us from other NYC shows. We had nice neighbors. A couple from Argentina and the husband does metal work. He makes all sorts of Judaica. One of our neighbors was from DC and she makes pocket books out of vintage fabrics and wool. Her stuff is neat. There was a guy who makes shirts and jackets that look like they came from the "Xanadu" movie, very 80's. And the creme de la creme was a gentleman named Michael from San Francisco who does wire sculptures. He hung them all from way up high....human figures afloat. They were wonderful!!!
We had a lovely lunch on Monday with our cousin David. He works at a music store across the street from Lincoln Center. We went to an indian restaraunt that had wonderful food.
With our bellies full, our pockets moderately stuffed with cash, and our eyelids being held up with toothpicks we drove out of the city. Over the bridge and northbound.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
THE UPLIFT AND THE DOWNLIFT
My M-I-L's memorial tea was this past Saturday. I must admit that it was a lot of fun. There were a few tears but mostly it was a laughter filled hall. We set up with my brother-in-law and his family the night before and the day of. We set up card tables with tablecloths over them and put coffee mugs and teapots and paint brushes and flowers as centerpieces. It was set up like a cabaret. We had music (an original composition by daughter #2). It was the first time I heard her piece in it's entirety. Wow! My M-I-L died in the helicopter that was bringing her to the hospital. Daughter #2 explained that and told everyone the name of the piece is "flown". She was incredible. There was song. We had an MC who introduced people as they came up to the mike to tell stories. It was great!!
Horrid sister was there. She snubbed her siblings (no great surprise). She took our daughters aside and said things to them like, "I know you live with the enemy" and "No matter what your parents say about me...blah,blah,blah....". Our amazing girls held their own and politely told her that it wasn't like that in our house. Unlike her we do not engage in such talk in general.
I'm infuriated with her for doing this to my children. I am deeply saddened (sadenned? The first one looks right.) that she seems to have no filter, no sense of what you say to an adult verses what's appropriate to say to a child. It's is quite clear to me that at the moment she is venom and is not getting anywhere near my children!!!! I am also feeling like I let my girls down because I didn't see it coming. I didn't prepare them for her pulling them aside for a secret chat. What a dope!!!!! I apologized to them. I was blindsided. Well not really. In the context of everything that is going on it is true to horrid sister's character these days.
We have offered her a very reasonable settlement which was presented to her a week ago. No response.
She left a nine minute rant on her mother's best friends voice mail two weeks ago. She said that as long as she draws breath her brothers will never set foot into their mother's house. Shit...eh?
On a happier note...I've been taking a weaving class and love it. I get there at 7pm and two minutes later it is 9pm and the class is over. I love the rythm of moving my feet from treddle to treddle and gliding the shuttle over the warp. Back and forth, back and forth. It's a tidal and ancient rythm. It's sanctuary for my soul.
Like my weekend...the rythm of the uplift and the downlift.
Horrid sister was there. She snubbed her siblings (no great surprise). She took our daughters aside and said things to them like, "I know you live with the enemy" and "No matter what your parents say about me...blah,blah,blah....". Our amazing girls held their own and politely told her that it wasn't like that in our house. Unlike her we do not engage in such talk in general.
I'm infuriated with her for doing this to my children. I am deeply saddened (sadenned? The first one looks right.) that she seems to have no filter, no sense of what you say to an adult verses what's appropriate to say to a child. It's is quite clear to me that at the moment she is venom and is not getting anywhere near my children!!!! I am also feeling like I let my girls down because I didn't see it coming. I didn't prepare them for her pulling them aside for a secret chat. What a dope!!!!! I apologized to them. I was blindsided. Well not really. In the context of everything that is going on it is true to horrid sister's character these days.
We have offered her a very reasonable settlement which was presented to her a week ago. No response.
She left a nine minute rant on her mother's best friends voice mail two weeks ago. She said that as long as she draws breath her brothers will never set foot into their mother's house. Shit...eh?
On a happier note...I've been taking a weaving class and love it. I get there at 7pm and two minutes later it is 9pm and the class is over. I love the rythm of moving my feet from treddle to treddle and gliding the shuttle over the warp. Back and forth, back and forth. It's a tidal and ancient rythm. It's sanctuary for my soul.
Like my weekend...the rythm of the uplift and the downlift.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
MOVING DAY
I wish it was my moving day. Alas it is not.
Today one of our tenants is moving out. She lives in our one bedroom apartment. When she looked at the apartment I told her that if she wanted to fall in love this was the place for her. Every "single" tenant that we have had in that apartment has found the love of their lives and moved out because the apartment is really cozy and just right for one.
So, she's off with her boyfriend for their larger apartment in the sky.
Maggie is movin in and she already has a boyfriend. Wonder what that means.......
It's moving day.
Today one of our tenants is moving out. She lives in our one bedroom apartment. When she looked at the apartment I told her that if she wanted to fall in love this was the place for her. Every "single" tenant that we have had in that apartment has found the love of their lives and moved out because the apartment is really cozy and just right for one.
So, she's off with her boyfriend for their larger apartment in the sky.
Maggie is movin in and she already has a boyfriend. Wonder what that means.......
It's moving day.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
TWICE
Many years ago when daughter #2 was a wee babe she had night terrors. They lasted for about six months. They started when she about a year and half old. Anyone who has lived through night terrors knows that they are frightening as hell!!
She would wake up in the middle of the night and scream. She wasn't really awake. She was in some in between place. She wouldn't let anyone touch her. She saw things that we couln't see. Her hysteria was uncomprehendable. She couln't have anything touch her which, of course, is impossible. She flailed, screamed, talked nonsense, cried. In the morning she would remember nothing and would be herself. My little old soul vibrant daughter #2.
I found that sometimes I could stop it coming. She slept next to me and there was this certain twitch that she would do right before she'd "go off the deep end". If I could catch the twitch then I could connect with her and keep her in the moment, soothe her into staying here on the planet instead heading off into places unknown to me. If I didn't catch the twitch then we discovered that if we got her outside under the stars, walk her around, try to hold onto a feral child, she would calm down, come back to us and still not remember thing in the morning.
In the daylight hours daughter #2 starting telling us a story. It was her waking story. One that came in bits and pieces over a couple month period. One of how her Mommy had left her with Daddy. Daddy was not a nice man and he killed her. Imagine how we felt? From the mouth of our babe comes a horrrific story. A very sad, very adult, very realistic in detail, horrific story.
We came to understand that our daughter. Our very young daughter was reliving her death. The night terrors we witnessed were her reliving her death. It all fell into place. We watched and listened with new ears. The things she said during her hysteria made more sense to us. They way she struggled we saw as her trying to defend herself. The daylight and night time came together as one. It was our truth. I believe it. I lived it. It was a heart wrenching time.
So, what do we do? I had a friend who is an herbologist. I saw her one day in the local health food store. I told her what was going on and was there anything that she recommened. Without skipping a beat she suggested a Bach flower remedy called "Rescue Remedy". She said that Rescue Remedy is really good at bringing people into the moment. I would have tried anything that she recommended!! Rescue Remedy worked so well!! Once we got it into her (it's drops), daughter #2 would settle down enough to be touched and it was easy to get her outside and after walking around she would wake up and then we could all go back inside.
Don't you think that is a great ending to my complicated story? Well, to that part of the story it is. The other half of the story is that someone overheard me in the health food store talking to my friend and decided that I was off my rocker. That person called Child Protective Services because night terrors can be a sign of abuse. Yes, they were right....just very, very wrong. So CPS shows up at my door one day and wants to come in and hear about my daughters' night terrors. They had already been up at school and interviewed daughter #1 and had already interviewed friends of ours. All before they got to my door. I was unnerved. I belong to a Goddess Circle and believe in honoring the Goddess. In my house I have many Goddess statues and wall hangings. I thought that I was fried. I had to sit at our kitchen table and tell the two caseworkers my strange story. Nothing ever came of it. The claim was unfounded.
I am full of the question as to why CPS has showed up at my door twice?
We are very thoughtful parents. We work on our relationship. We try to be better parents than our own. We try to always treat our children as individual humans not as extensions of ourselves.
I am hit with the realization that we live a very alternative life. People observe us and find us fascinating and frightening.
It makes me sad because I love the human race. I love life, people, the planet, all living beings (I could do without cockroaches and there you have it). I think that my children are awesome and turning out to be fantastic women. We get complimented often on how inspirational our family is. We get complimented often on how incredible our girls are.
How then does CPS show up at my door twice?
Twice?
She would wake up in the middle of the night and scream. She wasn't really awake. She was in some in between place. She wouldn't let anyone touch her. She saw things that we couln't see. Her hysteria was uncomprehendable. She couln't have anything touch her which, of course, is impossible. She flailed, screamed, talked nonsense, cried. In the morning she would remember nothing and would be herself. My little old soul vibrant daughter #2.
I found that sometimes I could stop it coming. She slept next to me and there was this certain twitch that she would do right before she'd "go off the deep end". If I could catch the twitch then I could connect with her and keep her in the moment, soothe her into staying here on the planet instead heading off into places unknown to me. If I didn't catch the twitch then we discovered that if we got her outside under the stars, walk her around, try to hold onto a feral child, she would calm down, come back to us and still not remember thing in the morning.
In the daylight hours daughter #2 starting telling us a story. It was her waking story. One that came in bits and pieces over a couple month period. One of how her Mommy had left her with Daddy. Daddy was not a nice man and he killed her. Imagine how we felt? From the mouth of our babe comes a horrrific story. A very sad, very adult, very realistic in detail, horrific story.
We came to understand that our daughter. Our very young daughter was reliving her death. The night terrors we witnessed were her reliving her death. It all fell into place. We watched and listened with new ears. The things she said during her hysteria made more sense to us. They way she struggled we saw as her trying to defend herself. The daylight and night time came together as one. It was our truth. I believe it. I lived it. It was a heart wrenching time.
So, what do we do? I had a friend who is an herbologist. I saw her one day in the local health food store. I told her what was going on and was there anything that she recommened. Without skipping a beat she suggested a Bach flower remedy called "Rescue Remedy". She said that Rescue Remedy is really good at bringing people into the moment. I would have tried anything that she recommended!! Rescue Remedy worked so well!! Once we got it into her (it's drops), daughter #2 would settle down enough to be touched and it was easy to get her outside and after walking around she would wake up and then we could all go back inside.
Don't you think that is a great ending to my complicated story? Well, to that part of the story it is. The other half of the story is that someone overheard me in the health food store talking to my friend and decided that I was off my rocker. That person called Child Protective Services because night terrors can be a sign of abuse. Yes, they were right....just very, very wrong. So CPS shows up at my door one day and wants to come in and hear about my daughters' night terrors. They had already been up at school and interviewed daughter #1 and had already interviewed friends of ours. All before they got to my door. I was unnerved. I belong to a Goddess Circle and believe in honoring the Goddess. In my house I have many Goddess statues and wall hangings. I thought that I was fried. I had to sit at our kitchen table and tell the two caseworkers my strange story. Nothing ever came of it. The claim was unfounded.
I am full of the question as to why CPS has showed up at my door twice?
We are very thoughtful parents. We work on our relationship. We try to be better parents than our own. We try to always treat our children as individual humans not as extensions of ourselves.
I am hit with the realization that we live a very alternative life. People observe us and find us fascinating and frightening.
It makes me sad because I love the human race. I love life, people, the planet, all living beings (I could do without cockroaches and there you have it). I think that my children are awesome and turning out to be fantastic women. We get complimented often on how inspirational our family is. We get complimented often on how incredible our girls are.
How then does CPS show up at my door twice?
Twice?
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
BLUE SKIES OUT THERE
We had a very good weekend. It was our first time doing this particular show and it was fun. We had great neighbors. On one side we had a woman from Isreal who made jewelry out of bottle caps and on the other a husband and wife who make hand-made chenille jackets. We laughed a lot. We ate chocolate. It poured!! I was very glad that I decided to book us under the big top. We saw many of our customers that we haven't seen in a while. Which means that it was a good thing that we sent out a mailing.
I want to share with you a few of the artists that really caught my eye. At every show that we go to we all try to walk around and look at stuff. During dinner we usually discuss the things that intrigued us. It's fun to know what each other is attracted to and why. Two of my favorites are
This blog took me a couple of days because I wanted to put the links in. One day to think that I wanted to to it. One day to print out the instructions. One day to ignore the instructions. One day to try and use them.
Tomorrow is daughter #1's interview with the CPS caseworker. Hopefully this will all be over soon. But, I do see blue skies out there.
I want to share with you a few of the artists that really caught my eye. At every show that we go to we all try to walk around and look at stuff. During dinner we usually discuss the things that intrigued us. It's fun to know what each other is attracted to and why. Two of my favorites are
This blog took me a couple of days because I wanted to put the links in. One day to think that I wanted to to it. One day to print out the instructions. One day to ignore the instructions. One day to try and use them.
Tomorrow is daughter #1's interview with the CPS caseworker. Hopefully this will all be over soon. But, I do see blue skies out there.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
AND WE'RE OFF.....
I'm up before everybody else. Not uncommon. I'm the morning bell. The wake-up call. My gentle voice rings through out the house, "Wake-up girls. Time to get up.". Five minutes laters my gentle voice rings through out the house, "Wake-up girls. Time to get out of bed.". Fifteen minutes later my gentle voice rings through out the neighborhood, "Come on girls. Get up.".
Twenty minutes later my gentle voice rings through out the county, "Get out of bed now!!!!.".
This morning we are packing up for a show in Tarrytown, NY. This one is supposedly a very snooty one so we washed our rubber floor mats yesterday and the side panels to our tent. We want to look fresh and snappy for all our customers. Husband says it feels like the circus everytime we set up and break down. Not just because we are clowns. It's the magic of creation. Starting with a blank space and filling it.
So, off we go in our big white van, Moby, with hopes that someone remembered to bring cash for tolls. We've been known to forget and have to borrow from the girls. This show is at an estate, it might even be some sort of national park...something like that. It's a mansion called, Lyndhurst. On Sunday morning we get a free tour of the mansion. I'm thinking...homeschool!
Mornings that we leave for shows are like being at the horse races. We are twitchy, anxious. Everybody running around trying to gather what they need and trying not to forget the stuff you really need. We pile into our very own big white, starting gate...and we're off.
Twenty minutes later my gentle voice rings through out the county, "Get out of bed now!!!!.".
This morning we are packing up for a show in Tarrytown, NY. This one is supposedly a very snooty one so we washed our rubber floor mats yesterday and the side panels to our tent. We want to look fresh and snappy for all our customers. Husband says it feels like the circus everytime we set up and break down. Not just because we are clowns. It's the magic of creation. Starting with a blank space and filling it.
So, off we go in our big white van, Moby, with hopes that someone remembered to bring cash for tolls. We've been known to forget and have to borrow from the girls. This show is at an estate, it might even be some sort of national park...something like that. It's a mansion called, Lyndhurst. On Sunday morning we get a free tour of the mansion. I'm thinking...homeschool!
Mornings that we leave for shows are like being at the horse races. We are twitchy, anxious. Everybody running around trying to gather what they need and trying not to forget the stuff you really need. We pile into our very own big white, starting gate...and we're off.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
IT'S REALLY GREY OUT THERE
In a million years. No, in a million, trillion years will you guess what I did this morning.
We got a visit from CPS. Someone called in a complaint about us. There is a child abuse hotline here in NY and someone called in their hot tip of the day. They feel that our children are being homeschooled improperly. They referred to it as "educational neglect". They said that our children have to work in our pottery business. And something to the effect that there is just all around neglect.
The interview process was rather painless. The CPS worker was pleasant and great with our youngest daughter (who was wigged out!). We answered all her questions. We gave her a tour of our apartment. She interviewed daughter #2 (daughter #1 was at a friends house). We had to give her someone else to contact to ask about us. We did. We talked about unschooling and child directed learning. We set up an appointment for her to interview daughter #1.
Now we just sit back and wait. Who would do this? Is it someone wanting to give us a hard time? Or is it someone that in their heart of hearts truly feels that our children are not getting a proper education and we are neglecting them? We will never know. Ouch!
There will always be a case file on us now.
Is this backlash from horrid sister? The timing works. The call was made on the same day that she finds out that her brother is revoking his waiver and contesting the will and her as executrix. Would she? Could she?
I can't find my rose colored glasses. It's really grey out there.
We got a visit from CPS. Someone called in a complaint about us. There is a child abuse hotline here in NY and someone called in their hot tip of the day. They feel that our children are being homeschooled improperly. They referred to it as "educational neglect". They said that our children have to work in our pottery business. And something to the effect that there is just all around neglect.
The interview process was rather painless. The CPS worker was pleasant and great with our youngest daughter (who was wigged out!). We answered all her questions. We gave her a tour of our apartment. She interviewed daughter #2 (daughter #1 was at a friends house). We had to give her someone else to contact to ask about us. We did. We talked about unschooling and child directed learning. We set up an appointment for her to interview daughter #1.
Now we just sit back and wait. Who would do this? Is it someone wanting to give us a hard time? Or is it someone that in their heart of hearts truly feels that our children are not getting a proper education and we are neglecting them? We will never know. Ouch!
There will always be a case file on us now.
Is this backlash from horrid sister? The timing works. The call was made on the same day that she finds out that her brother is revoking his waiver and contesting the will and her as executrix. Would she? Could she?
I can't find my rose colored glasses. It's really grey out there.
Friday, May 12, 2006
RAINING BUCKETS
It is literally. Raining buckets out there. I sit at the our desk in front of the window and see rain. Lots of water. I find weather comforting.
I told him. Read my last post if you're interested in what that means. I don't feel like getting into it but I talked, he listened, was receptive. For the moment it is enough. In the near future I will have to revisit the discussion because he needs to talk. For the moment...it is enough.
We went to the lawyer's office yesterday and Husband singed an affidavit saying that he is revocing his waiver of consent (for his sister being the executor of his mom's will). He and his brother are also contesting the will and contesting their sister as the executrix. How sad and ugly it all is. Both brothers and their spouses spent three hours with the lawyer on Monday. Draining, draining, draining. In a nutshell...Sister is not really doing anything illegal. Here in NY state the executor gets carte blanche. She is within her legal right to shut everyone out of the house and it is her right to divide (all by herself) the residuary estate equally between she and her brothers. She may decide who gets what as long as everything is monetarily equal. She could, if she gets insane enough, liquidate it all and give her brothers equal shares of cash.
So her brothers are taking legal action. They are going to contest her as executor and contest the will. They are going forward with their pistols blazing, the fog machine spueing, the fireworks bursting. And....I can't say anymore about it right now. I can't tell you what their plan is because who knows who will read this....I can't tell you what it is they are really after because I don't want it read by the wrong person. When I can, I will......
I will say that we thought long and hard about it. It pains husband and I to do this. Sister has become suspect and untrustworthy. We don't want to cause her pain. Husband wants fairness and equality. Sister isn't answering questions directly, not allowing access to their parents home, she's being secretive, she won't even get together with her brothers to plan mom's memorial. Now it is time to let the lawyer deal with her...we are getting nowhere. In a way it is a relief. I am so emotionaly distraught about all this. Kinda nice to know that I don't have to spend all of my being trying to figure out what to do next to make sister be reasonable. I can sit back and breath and let the lawyer do her job.
It's raining buckets down my face.
I told him. Read my last post if you're interested in what that means. I don't feel like getting into it but I talked, he listened, was receptive. For the moment it is enough. In the near future I will have to revisit the discussion because he needs to talk. For the moment...it is enough.
We went to the lawyer's office yesterday and Husband singed an affidavit saying that he is revocing his waiver of consent (for his sister being the executor of his mom's will). He and his brother are also contesting the will and contesting their sister as the executrix. How sad and ugly it all is. Both brothers and their spouses spent three hours with the lawyer on Monday. Draining, draining, draining. In a nutshell...Sister is not really doing anything illegal. Here in NY state the executor gets carte blanche. She is within her legal right to shut everyone out of the house and it is her right to divide (all by herself) the residuary estate equally between she and her brothers. She may decide who gets what as long as everything is monetarily equal. She could, if she gets insane enough, liquidate it all and give her brothers equal shares of cash.
So her brothers are taking legal action. They are going to contest her as executor and contest the will. They are going forward with their pistols blazing, the fog machine spueing, the fireworks bursting. And....I can't say anymore about it right now. I can't tell you what their plan is because who knows who will read this....I can't tell you what it is they are really after because I don't want it read by the wrong person. When I can, I will......
I will say that we thought long and hard about it. It pains husband and I to do this. Sister has become suspect and untrustworthy. We don't want to cause her pain. Husband wants fairness and equality. Sister isn't answering questions directly, not allowing access to their parents home, she's being secretive, she won't even get together with her brothers to plan mom's memorial. Now it is time to let the lawyer deal with her...we are getting nowhere. In a way it is a relief. I am so emotionaly distraught about all this. Kinda nice to know that I don't have to spend all of my being trying to figure out what to do next to make sister be reasonable. I can sit back and breath and let the lawyer do her job.
It's raining buckets down my face.
Monday, May 08, 2006
There's a riff in my universe
It's late. I awoke from a very sound sleep. 4:00 AM and all is quiet and still and I am unsettled.
Something happened. Something unsettling, frightening, not outrageously terrifying. Maybe close to terrifying. I need help women!! I need women to tell me what they would do. What would you do if someone you loved caused something that could have quite nearly injured or possibly killed those nearest and dearest to you (included the person that caused this event) and is not taking responsibility for it.
The event:
We haved planned an outing with an overnight in a hotel for my Mom's birthday. We decide to take her car because we own a van and her car gets better gas mileage than our car. Husband is driving the car. Two hours into our outing we stop and get gas. I buy chips for everyone. We get back on the road. Husband is driving. I am in the passenger seat. Daughter #1, daughter #2, and my mom are in the back. The girls are passing the chips forward for husband and I to have some. I pass the chips back. I think that I am looking at the directions (not clear, but I am not paying attention). Husband reaches his hand in the back to get the bag of chips. I look up we are in the left hand lane and we are startling close to a red jeep next to us. I say in surprise Husband's name. He makes a sound of surprise and the next thing I know we are swerving out of control all over the road. He is trying to gain control but it seems that every time he turns the wheel the front end of the car goes in that direction and the back end goes in the opposite direction. Daughter #2 is crying. Daughter #1 has grabbed her and is holding daughter #2's head to her chest. My mom is saying things like, "Oh my god!". We swerve out of control 3? 4? I don't know how many times and then we are driving down into a ravine or embankment through an old fence and toward bramble (big bramble bushes). When we hit the bottom, husband swerves the car quickly to the right so that we do not hit a bunch of metal pipes (or post or rails) that is on the embankment going up the opposite side. The car stopped.
We all ask at the same time if everyone is ok. Everyone is ok. Nobody was thrown around. Daughter #2 is crying. Her head still being held by daughter #1. My mom is saying, "What happened? What happened? Oh my god!". Husband starts the car and turns it toward the embankment to drive back up it. I say he can't do that it is too steep. It was he stops.
We get out of the car. It is a mess. The bumper is broken and pushed back. The driver side headlight is broken. The driver side mirror is broken off. The car is covered with scratches, big ones, all over the roof, the sides, the back. There are dents in the side where the car was turned suddenly in the bramble.
The man in the red jeep in walking down to our car to see if we are ok. Some other car, a white one, has stopped as well. The red jeep man is saying things about how lucky we are to be allright. Stuff like that. Husband is telling him that the driver side brake seized up on him and he was desperately trying to remember the high speed defensive driving class that he took thirty years ago. A cop shows up. We are all out of the car now and sitting on the grass. Stunned. I call AAA. They are coming to winch the car out. More cops show up to make/take an accident report. We've got 3 cruisers and an EMT guy (but the EMT doesn't stay). The car gets winched out. We get towed to a brake place to have the brakes checked. We are all still stunned. We walk over to a chinese restaraunt dive and we all order bad chinese that none of us can finish. We wait at the brake p[ace. It seems that the brakes check out fine. Apparently this was a freak thing...perhaps.
We all get back in the car. Husband wants to drive to make sure the car is ok. It seems there is no mechanical damage. Husband saved the bottom of the car by avoiding the metal in the ravine. We drive to our first destination. To the Flax clothing sale. And then to the hotel where we order in. We go to the Corning Glass Museum (out of sight wonderful!!!) and we drive home.
What would you do if your husband caused an accident that he hasn't apoligized for. He said he was sorry that the car is a mess. He said that he was glad I wasn't driving because it was terrifying. I think I snapped at him and came back with some answer like I felt a comment like that sounded like he was saying I wouldn't be able to handle myself or the car. He got up to ask some questions at the info booth (we were all sitting at a table having birch beers). It was then that I asked my daughters what happened before the red jeep came so close. "Dad had is hand in the back seat" was their reply. When husband came back the girls took off to buy stuff and my mom went to the bathroom. I told him that I thought he should apologize to my mom. He said he had. I said that I believed him that the brake seized but I had just found out that his hand had been in the back seat and that action had set off a series of events that ended in a car accident. He nodded agreement.
As we were sitting in the ravine, husband and I got out of the car first. We gave each other a hug. Apparently my mom was saying to our girls stuff about look what your father has done.
I told husband that we should pay my mom's deductable on her insurance. He agreed.
I awoke with a start tonight. I cannot participate in a play where husband is the savior. He caused an accident. He handled the car well when it swerved out of control. He kept his cool. He saw the big metal stuff at the bottom of the ravine and avoided it. He caused it and not once has he said to anyone that he is sorry for causing it.
My head hurts. My toes are numb. My chest is tighter than Jane Fonda's ass. My marriage is in an iffy state as it is. I have to talk to husband tell him how I feel. Our daughters need to know that he is sorry for what happened and take responsibility for his part in the cause. He needs to talk to my mother.
I am grateful for his cool head under pressure. I am not sure that I could have handled the car as he did. We could have easily flipped. I am not comfortable with his not admitting his role in how this came to be.
How do I approach the man I love and say, "Hey, you've got to come clean on this one." or "Our girls need to know that you are taking responsibility for what happened."
Oh I know that I am going to talk to him. Mom leaves this morning and we have an appointment with a lawyer. Later on today. I wish that I could have a heart to heart before my Mom left but that won't happen.
Oh women. Oh women. What would you do? I just want to know. What would you do?
Something happened. Something unsettling, frightening, not outrageously terrifying. Maybe close to terrifying. I need help women!! I need women to tell me what they would do. What would you do if someone you loved caused something that could have quite nearly injured or possibly killed those nearest and dearest to you (included the person that caused this event) and is not taking responsibility for it.
The event:
We haved planned an outing with an overnight in a hotel for my Mom's birthday. We decide to take her car because we own a van and her car gets better gas mileage than our car. Husband is driving the car. Two hours into our outing we stop and get gas. I buy chips for everyone. We get back on the road. Husband is driving. I am in the passenger seat. Daughter #1, daughter #2, and my mom are in the back. The girls are passing the chips forward for husband and I to have some. I pass the chips back. I think that I am looking at the directions (not clear, but I am not paying attention). Husband reaches his hand in the back to get the bag of chips. I look up we are in the left hand lane and we are startling close to a red jeep next to us. I say in surprise Husband's name. He makes a sound of surprise and the next thing I know we are swerving out of control all over the road. He is trying to gain control but it seems that every time he turns the wheel the front end of the car goes in that direction and the back end goes in the opposite direction. Daughter #2 is crying. Daughter #1 has grabbed her and is holding daughter #2's head to her chest. My mom is saying things like, "Oh my god!". We swerve out of control 3? 4? I don't know how many times and then we are driving down into a ravine or embankment through an old fence and toward bramble (big bramble bushes). When we hit the bottom, husband swerves the car quickly to the right so that we do not hit a bunch of metal pipes (or post or rails) that is on the embankment going up the opposite side. The car stopped.
We all ask at the same time if everyone is ok. Everyone is ok. Nobody was thrown around. Daughter #2 is crying. Her head still being held by daughter #1. My mom is saying, "What happened? What happened? Oh my god!". Husband starts the car and turns it toward the embankment to drive back up it. I say he can't do that it is too steep. It was he stops.
We get out of the car. It is a mess. The bumper is broken and pushed back. The driver side headlight is broken. The driver side mirror is broken off. The car is covered with scratches, big ones, all over the roof, the sides, the back. There are dents in the side where the car was turned suddenly in the bramble.
The man in the red jeep in walking down to our car to see if we are ok. Some other car, a white one, has stopped as well. The red jeep man is saying things about how lucky we are to be allright. Stuff like that. Husband is telling him that the driver side brake seized up on him and he was desperately trying to remember the high speed defensive driving class that he took thirty years ago. A cop shows up. We are all out of the car now and sitting on the grass. Stunned. I call AAA. They are coming to winch the car out. More cops show up to make/take an accident report. We've got 3 cruisers and an EMT guy (but the EMT doesn't stay). The car gets winched out. We get towed to a brake place to have the brakes checked. We are all still stunned. We walk over to a chinese restaraunt dive and we all order bad chinese that none of us can finish. We wait at the brake p[ace. It seems that the brakes check out fine. Apparently this was a freak thing...perhaps.
We all get back in the car. Husband wants to drive to make sure the car is ok. It seems there is no mechanical damage. Husband saved the bottom of the car by avoiding the metal in the ravine. We drive to our first destination. To the Flax clothing sale. And then to the hotel where we order in. We go to the Corning Glass Museum (out of sight wonderful!!!) and we drive home.
What would you do if your husband caused an accident that he hasn't apoligized for. He said he was sorry that the car is a mess. He said that he was glad I wasn't driving because it was terrifying. I think I snapped at him and came back with some answer like I felt a comment like that sounded like he was saying I wouldn't be able to handle myself or the car. He got up to ask some questions at the info booth (we were all sitting at a table having birch beers). It was then that I asked my daughters what happened before the red jeep came so close. "Dad had is hand in the back seat" was their reply. When husband came back the girls took off to buy stuff and my mom went to the bathroom. I told him that I thought he should apologize to my mom. He said he had. I said that I believed him that the brake seized but I had just found out that his hand had been in the back seat and that action had set off a series of events that ended in a car accident. He nodded agreement.
As we were sitting in the ravine, husband and I got out of the car first. We gave each other a hug. Apparently my mom was saying to our girls stuff about look what your father has done.
I told husband that we should pay my mom's deductable on her insurance. He agreed.
I awoke with a start tonight. I cannot participate in a play where husband is the savior. He caused an accident. He handled the car well when it swerved out of control. He kept his cool. He saw the big metal stuff at the bottom of the ravine and avoided it. He caused it and not once has he said to anyone that he is sorry for causing it.
My head hurts. My toes are numb. My chest is tighter than Jane Fonda's ass. My marriage is in an iffy state as it is. I have to talk to husband tell him how I feel. Our daughters need to know that he is sorry for what happened and take responsibility for his part in the cause. He needs to talk to my mother.
I am grateful for his cool head under pressure. I am not sure that I could have handled the car as he did. We could have easily flipped. I am not comfortable with his not admitting his role in how this came to be.
How do I approach the man I love and say, "Hey, you've got to come clean on this one." or "Our girls need to know that you are taking responsibility for what happened."
Oh I know that I am going to talk to him. Mom leaves this morning and we have an appointment with a lawyer. Later on today. I wish that I could have a heart to heart before my Mom left but that won't happen.
Oh women. Oh women. What would you do? I just want to know. What would you do?
Thursday, May 04, 2006
the horrid sister
So it has been many months (perhaps longer) since my last post. Husband's mom has passed away and we are in the throws of dealing with her estate and getting our house ready to sell. We finally get to go home for good. AHHH thoughts of going home...just one house..one property...one address...home!
Things here on the East Coast are not going to well at the moment. Husband's sister is being horrid! Mom-in-law has been dead for 2 months now and sister (who is the executrix nominee) won't allow anyone into m-i-l's house, is being exclusive, and has admitted to starting to divide the stuff that gets divided between she and her brothers. What the fuck!? When she gets emailed with questions she claims that we are bothering her and keeping her from doing her job. When she gets asked specific questions she is evasive and doesn't answer them. She has backed everyone into a corner and now we are in the process of looking for a lawyer to represent husband and his brother. Brothers against sister...how ugly.
We went and saw a friend of ours who is a criminal law lawyer and he said that she is showing all the signs of someone who is getting ready to rip us off. We didn't want to hear that. We want to get together, forget our differences and just do what has to be done. Sister-in-law has not gotten together with her brothers at all. She conveniently is not available whenever they have tried.
She stood in our kitchen 4 weeks ago and told husband that he is being hateful. The poor guy hasn't done anything but asked to get into his mom's house to say goodbye to her. Now everything in the house is being dimantled and put into piles. So much for saying goodbye there!!
So, off we are going to court. s-i-l is going to have a cow!! When she finds out that her brothers have got a lawyer and want her to cough up some accounting, let them into the house, share lists that she found that mom had made, and give an inventory of the house she is going to pop a gasket. Wish I could see it but that pleasure is going to have to live in my imagination. If she doesn't comply than they are going to petition her to be removed and replaced by husband (who is next in line on the list in the will).
Other than that we are all doing well. Daughter #1 is flying home to Lopez in June and living with friends until we arrive. She has got herself 3 jobs: working at Isabels coffee house, working in a bookstore, and babysitting. It's a safe place for her to experiment being on her own. Daughter #2 is totally envious of her sister being 17 and being able to take off. She is in the middle of some powerful puberty and we never know what face is going to greet us at any time! She still likes to play soccer and still wants to be a chef. Husband is busily producing ceramics. He is distressed with the whole estate stuff. Me? I'm taking a weaving class (my solace!!) and trying to "keep it together".
Must be off.....
will be back.......
Things here on the East Coast are not going to well at the moment. Husband's sister is being horrid! Mom-in-law has been dead for 2 months now and sister (who is the executrix nominee) won't allow anyone into m-i-l's house, is being exclusive, and has admitted to starting to divide the stuff that gets divided between she and her brothers. What the fuck!? When she gets emailed with questions she claims that we are bothering her and keeping her from doing her job. When she gets asked specific questions she is evasive and doesn't answer them. She has backed everyone into a corner and now we are in the process of looking for a lawyer to represent husband and his brother. Brothers against sister...how ugly.
We went and saw a friend of ours who is a criminal law lawyer and he said that she is showing all the signs of someone who is getting ready to rip us off. We didn't want to hear that. We want to get together, forget our differences and just do what has to be done. Sister-in-law has not gotten together with her brothers at all. She conveniently is not available whenever they have tried.
She stood in our kitchen 4 weeks ago and told husband that he is being hateful. The poor guy hasn't done anything but asked to get into his mom's house to say goodbye to her. Now everything in the house is being dimantled and put into piles. So much for saying goodbye there!!
So, off we are going to court. s-i-l is going to have a cow!! When she finds out that her brothers have got a lawyer and want her to cough up some accounting, let them into the house, share lists that she found that mom had made, and give an inventory of the house she is going to pop a gasket. Wish I could see it but that pleasure is going to have to live in my imagination. If she doesn't comply than they are going to petition her to be removed and replaced by husband (who is next in line on the list in the will).
Other than that we are all doing well. Daughter #1 is flying home to Lopez in June and living with friends until we arrive. She has got herself 3 jobs: working at Isabels coffee house, working in a bookstore, and babysitting. It's a safe place for her to experiment being on her own. Daughter #2 is totally envious of her sister being 17 and being able to take off. She is in the middle of some powerful puberty and we never know what face is going to greet us at any time! She still likes to play soccer and still wants to be a chef. Husband is busily producing ceramics. He is distressed with the whole estate stuff. Me? I'm taking a weaving class (my solace!!) and trying to "keep it together".
Must be off.....
will be back.......
Friday, August 13, 2004
I like to get things in the mail. Since I don't write letters (I am a terrible correspondent) I order things on Ebay. It's the best way to keep a steady stream of packages arriving on my door step. My neighbors must think that my life is full of friends that I constantly correspond with. I've got them all fooled!!
I really like ebay. I hate to shop. The mall...egh!!! I will go to the occasional store to try on stuff to figure out what size I am then I head on home to ebay. I have found over the year that I have been ebaying that I must have discipline. "Yes grasshopper, do not get sucked into the auction. There will always be another to bid on." I am a thrift shop ebayer. I go for the bargains and only what I really want. Well, I go for the bargains. There has been an occasional "Why did I get that?". Because it was cheap is usually the answer.
I buy books for girls (I like half.com too) and gadgets for the home and shoes and clothes. God, I love to buy clothes. I like Flax, Sacred Threads, Overalls, and Blue Fish and games (don't forget the games!).
Just today we got a game called "curses" and a book for Artie. The former from ebay the latter from half.com.
I like to sit at the computer and look at all the offerings. I call it being on the love lines. I'm connected to other humans. I'm purchasing useful item for my family. I'm contributing to some other human's household instead of a huge corporation. I am so full of goodness I just might go up a pant size!!
It's good come out of the closet and announce to the world that I like ebay!! I love the ebay commercials on TV. I, too, do it ebay!
Blessings....V
I really like ebay. I hate to shop. The mall...egh!!! I will go to the occasional store to try on stuff to figure out what size I am then I head on home to ebay. I have found over the year that I have been ebaying that I must have discipline. "Yes grasshopper, do not get sucked into the auction. There will always be another to bid on." I am a thrift shop ebayer. I go for the bargains and only what I really want. Well, I go for the bargains. There has been an occasional "Why did I get that?". Because it was cheap is usually the answer.
I buy books for girls (I like half.com too) and gadgets for the home and shoes and clothes. God, I love to buy clothes. I like Flax, Sacred Threads, Overalls, and Blue Fish and games (don't forget the games!).
Just today we got a game called "curses" and a book for Artie. The former from ebay the latter from half.com.
I like to sit at the computer and look at all the offerings. I call it being on the love lines. I'm connected to other humans. I'm purchasing useful item for my family. I'm contributing to some other human's household instead of a huge corporation. I am so full of goodness I just might go up a pant size!!
It's good come out of the closet and announce to the world that I like ebay!! I love the ebay commercials on TV. I, too, do it ebay!
Blessings....V
Thursday, August 12, 2004
The Out House
We have payed off our property. An achievement that I never thought that I would attain.
Now we are getting a loan. We may be poor but we have great equity! Getting the loan, we now have a line of credit, was easy. What has not been easy is getting the home insurance that we need to have in order to finalize our loan.
We live in a dome. Michael designed and built it. We live off of solar and wind power. We do not a toilet inside our house. We have an out house. We have a post and pier foundation and we have torch down roofing. We don't even tell the insurance agents anymore that we have a woodstove.
Well pardon me for living creatively and thoughtfully!!!!!
I like our out house. Lot's of people on Lopez only have out houses. Our out house is built to look like a shed. On the inside there are shelves in the back that have paint cans on them. I must admit that wasn't our doing...it was one of our caretakers. I can live with the shelves and paint though. Years ago I started stapling postcards on the wall. Our friend Andy sends us the classic artists on 4x6 and I dutifully wait until I've got a stack of them and then out there I go to staple them on the wall.
I like to sit and do my business with the door open. I get to look at the meadow and the tree line in the distant. During the day I hear birds and crickets. In the spring we are serenaded by frogs. In the mornings sometimes the mist is ethereal and enchanting. In the night I can hear the deer snorting. In the rain I dawn a light rain jacket and sit in the dry and watch the rain splash as I splash. I see Humphrey Head in the distance. It looks like a cliff, rocky and majestic. Sometimes our neighbor is using his air strip and a plane is going overhead and the out house rattles.
We have a book of jokes there for the one who likes to sit and sit and sit. We have toilet paper. We have peat moss for when you poo. We always sprinkle a can of peat moss over our poo. It keeps the out house smelling of dirt instead of feces.
I like our out house. I've been using an out house now for 10 yrs. It makes me feel connected and ancestral. For all the women that have squatted in the fields and on the trail I honor as I sit in my shed looking out over the meadow into the plum trees.
When we have off-island visitors we tell them that we live rustically. If they sleep over they need a tent ( our dome is too small), our shower is in the kitchen, and we have an out house. We have a large garden and the most amazing blackberries in season. I think that my out house is in paradise!!!
So, screw the insurance agent who is speechless at the thought of no indoor toilet. They are dumb founded when the word dome comes rolling off my lips like melted chocolate. But I don't want to get started on my insurance issues!! I hate( and I mean, HATE! Like getting shingles, hate. Or having a roach infestation, hate. Or fingernails on the chalkboard, hate) insurance and I'm right in the thick of having to deal with getting it.
Oh the woes, the woes, the woes.
Blessings....V
Now we are getting a loan. We may be poor but we have great equity! Getting the loan, we now have a line of credit, was easy. What has not been easy is getting the home insurance that we need to have in order to finalize our loan.
We live in a dome. Michael designed and built it. We live off of solar and wind power. We do not a toilet inside our house. We have an out house. We have a post and pier foundation and we have torch down roofing. We don't even tell the insurance agents anymore that we have a woodstove.
Well pardon me for living creatively and thoughtfully!!!!!
I like our out house. Lot's of people on Lopez only have out houses. Our out house is built to look like a shed. On the inside there are shelves in the back that have paint cans on them. I must admit that wasn't our doing...it was one of our caretakers. I can live with the shelves and paint though. Years ago I started stapling postcards on the wall. Our friend Andy sends us the classic artists on 4x6 and I dutifully wait until I've got a stack of them and then out there I go to staple them on the wall.
I like to sit and do my business with the door open. I get to look at the meadow and the tree line in the distant. During the day I hear birds and crickets. In the spring we are serenaded by frogs. In the mornings sometimes the mist is ethereal and enchanting. In the night I can hear the deer snorting. In the rain I dawn a light rain jacket and sit in the dry and watch the rain splash as I splash. I see Humphrey Head in the distance. It looks like a cliff, rocky and majestic. Sometimes our neighbor is using his air strip and a plane is going overhead and the out house rattles.
We have a book of jokes there for the one who likes to sit and sit and sit. We have toilet paper. We have peat moss for when you poo. We always sprinkle a can of peat moss over our poo. It keeps the out house smelling of dirt instead of feces.
I like our out house. I've been using an out house now for 10 yrs. It makes me feel connected and ancestral. For all the women that have squatted in the fields and on the trail I honor as I sit in my shed looking out over the meadow into the plum trees.
When we have off-island visitors we tell them that we live rustically. If they sleep over they need a tent ( our dome is too small), our shower is in the kitchen, and we have an out house. We have a large garden and the most amazing blackberries in season. I think that my out house is in paradise!!!
So, screw the insurance agent who is speechless at the thought of no indoor toilet. They are dumb founded when the word dome comes rolling off my lips like melted chocolate. But I don't want to get started on my insurance issues!! I hate( and I mean, HATE! Like getting shingles, hate. Or having a roach infestation, hate. Or fingernails on the chalkboard, hate) insurance and I'm right in the thick of having to deal with getting it.
Oh the woes, the woes, the woes.
Blessings....V
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