Saturday, July 01, 2006


I've been checking email every 5 minutes. At least it seems like every 5 minutes. Looking for that response to an email that was sent. What will they say? How will they respond? Why the hell can't this just be talked through?
The frustrations still continue........

Today I fly to Montana with my Mom. We are off to the wedding of our God-daughter. Fun factor high!! It is going to be fun to be at a wedding. It is going to feel so good to be close to the West Coast. I am going to drink Moose Drool beer (one of my favorites). I am going to see my cousins (not really related, but close enough) that I haven't seen in years. To be West, drink, laugh, shed a few sentimental tears of joy, and connect with loved ones. I'm looking forward to it.
Sarah is my god-daughter. I really don't know her very well. She arrived on the planet when I was a teen. Soon after, my parents moved to Saudi Arabia and I was in England at boarding school. I got back to the states and did college...and on, and on. When my parents moved back to the states there was a distance between Sarah's parents and mine. I have no idea what happenned. Not really anything, I think. They just grew apart.
I grew up with Sarah's older brothers. As a child I loved them with all my heart. I haven't seen them in probably 20 years. Sarah's mom is my godmother. I see her every couple of years or so. We are friendly. Not close but we both have great affection for one another. I always look she and Uncle Vic up when we are doing a show near them.
I've been thinking a lot about this role as Godmother. "Godmother: A female sponsor of a child at baptism." At a young age I promised to make sure that Sarah kept in keeping with the faith that she was being baptised in. Episcopalian. I haven't been an Episcopalian since my early twenties. I am not a religious person. Very spiritual. New Age. Hippy. I'm a Goddess worshiper, Jewish, Unitarian Universalist and just about any other good woo-woo thing you can come up with. I have no idea what Sarah believes in. Honestly, I don't really know her. Love her from a distance. So glad that she is on the planet. Oh, yes!!!
So, I feel that it is most important to travel to Montana and look her in the eye. Ask, "Are you good with God/Goddess or whatever greater power you believe in?". Hopefully she will say, "Yes". I can then know that I have performed a Godmotherly duty. I can say, "We're good here".
For a wedding gift husband and I created a ceramic sculpture called "The Guide". It is a woman's face (mine but manipulated to not look like me so much) with a map coming out of one side of it like it were hair. One of her eye's is an antique compas (a real one, glued in). Her eye that you can see is closed. This sculpure is my physical interpretation of my role as Godmother. There is the map, the compass, the inward eye to your spirit. Man, I hope she likes it. It might be too "out there" for her taste. Oh well. It is from the heart and that's what counts.
So, today I am off to be Godmotherly with Mom the other Godmother.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


To a crispy fried beyond golden brown. I'm done.

My hair is puffed beyond recognition smoking like a rocket. I'm done.
My once melon-like breasts are crumbly dried hot peppers. I'm done.
My round goddess-like figure is pussy and stale. I'm done.
My legs that have held my body are stilts of dead wood. I'm done.
My feet that bear the burden of all of me are flat and sore. I'm done.
My aura is an undescribable mess of drab. I'm done.

May I go home now Mother?
May I now cool myself in the waters of my home?

I am longing to feel the cool night air licking my cheeks. Caressing my ankles.
I am longing to take this shrivelled up clump of me and fix it up right.
Pour home water on it, feed it garden food, and have the night heavens breath life back into it.

May I go home now Mother?
I'm done.