I MUST DO THIS AGAIN

On Sunday Xan and I went on a hike with our friends Terry and Mark. Terry and Mark are our best friends here in Saratoga and they get out into nature whenever they can. Terry and Mark are going to come out and live in our house on Lopez Island when we take off for our year abroad. The point here is that I love them and trust them.
On Friday night at dinner together they invited Xan and I to go on a hike with them up north in the Adirondacks. Michael was in Baltimore doing a show and Xan & I stayed home to go to a wedding. So, yeah, why not? A hike sounds nice. Xan and I would love to join them for a nice day outside.
We got picked up at 7am (after a late night because of the wedding) and drove 1 1/2 hours north to some trailhead somewhere admist mountain peaks. Mark had brought a hat for Xan (haven't unpacked winter stuff yet that is in a box in the bus with all the other things that I have packed to go home and now we're not until the Spring) and 3 water bottles for us. I only took two, they were big we didn't need three (and water is heavy, you know). I had a backpack with sandwiches, extra socks, chocolate covered ginger, apples, and almonds. What more does one need? Again, in life, I am humbled.
I didn't ask where we were going? I knew that is was an all day affair and that Terry had a potroast in the crockpot for us waiting at home. I was thinking about a nice hike/walk in the woods.
We hiked up Cascade Mountain. 2 1/2 miles up. Did you see that "UP"? I am not a totally unfit, out of shape, 44 yr. old. Or so I thougth. I have been humbled into the realization that I am a really totally unfit, out of shape, 44 yr. old. About 3/4 of the way up I could of layed down and wept. But of course I am with 3 other people and I can't stop.
Mark has a GPS unit and every once and while he would take it out and tell us how far we've gone. "Well thank-you, Mark!" because it was never far enough. We were never at least 1/2 way there to the elusive summit.
Lots of people passed us. I told my companions that if the couple from Quebec with the small toddler passes us than we know we are really slow. They passed us. We got to chat with the people hiking down that had passed us on the way up. I learned that I can still be charming and engaging even when I think my heart is going to pound out my ears and I my thighs are going to quiver off my body.
At one point, when we truly were half up the mountain, there was a group of kids coming up fast behind us. Our party stopped and moved off to the side to let them pass. I shook every kids' hand and welcomed them to the half-way point and told them what a great job they were doing. "Yeah, yeah, right, wacko lady"
Terry and Mark had planned that we would get to the peak and then hike another 1 1/2 miles RT to another peak. Had to let them down on that one. I'm a one peak kinda gal. Xan too. We were whipped but we made it to the top. And yes, it was truly an astounding view. Worth the struggle up. Worth the bad thoughts I was having about healthy, vibrant people.
At the peak, there is a cairn. A beautiful, beautiful cairn:

I took a picture of Xan:

Xan got a picture of me:

Believe it or not...the descent was a breeze. OK until the last 1/2 mile and my legs were feeling like some sort of squiggly desert. The peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches were devine. We dranked all of our water. After Xan and I powered through the first bottle on the way up we figured we better conserve it. We did and it all worked out.
All in all it was a fabulous day!!! I mean it, really. All complaining and funny storytelling aside. What a view! Terry and Mark have the pictures of us at the top. And...my "Wild Ravens" friends (this is their celtic art biz, the link is in my index) were blessed with 7 ravens at the peak. Watching Mark run with his camera and dive and stand way to close to the edge of the rocks photographing the birds was a wonderous and terrifying sight.
Monday morning I could barely move. Sunday night I woke up and took 4 tylenol and finished reading my book. Now it is Friday morning and I'm feeling much like my ol' self again.
Spectacular view.
Invigorating hike.
Wonderous nature.
Me?..out of shape and humbled again.
I must do this again.

HE LIKES PUNS

Funny story...Michael is working on these "cuppa joes" for someone and he mailed them these pictures. Now the person who ordered these cuppas can't open them in their email and Michael is away in Baltimore at a show so I came up with this idea posting them on my blog because I have no idea how you send pictures in an email. So, here are the pictures of the "cuppa joes" to view. In all their glory for the whole world to view.....





What can I say? He likes puns.

MAY OUR BOWLS NEVER BE EMPTY...

On Sunday we spent the afternoon at the Empty Bowls Project in Albany. What a great way to raise money for hunger and what a great way to have fun. There were over 1,400 bowls donated by local potters

(Michael being one of them) and 6 or so restaraunts that donated soup. For those of you that don't know what an Empty Bowls event is here goes:
It's a way to raise money for any organization that helps with hunger issues. Potters donate bowls and restaraunts or organizations donate soup. An individual pays $10 and gets to pick out a bowl and then goes and gets soup and bread.The individual gets to keep their bowl as a reminder that no being on earth should ever go hungry. How cool huh? I had a blast!! My afternoon couldn't have been any more fulfilling. The event was so much bigger than I had imagined it in my head. I was thinking of a couple hundred people in a room eating soup and communing. There must have been hundreds of people packed like sardines in this building all have a great time. It was really crowded and hot.
Here are some pictures that I took of friends and people I don't know. I got turned on by seeing what people picked as their bowls and I walked around and took a bunch of photos. I really couldn't help myself. Here are a few:
This one is of some ladies that I saw in line picking out bowls while I was picking out my bowl.

This is my friend Rebekah and her daugher Margaurite.

This a delightful little girl and her stunning bowl.

This is our friends Lily & Don.

This is my best friend in the world, Andy, he was visiting with us this weekend.

I end my photo parade with Miss Xan eating soup.

An inspiring event for such a worthy cause.
May our bowls never be empty.....

STORM KING SCULPTURE PARK

On Saturday we went to Storm King Sculpture Park. Here are few pictures of our trip:

I REALLY, REALLY DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

Like every mother......

I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

We have decided that we are staying here in Saratoga Springs for the winter. Not a choice that we particularly like but one that we are comfortable with. Things are not going to well with my mother-in-law's estate and we need to stay to be on top of the situation. For a few weeks I have been chirping into Michael's ear that even if things got worked out by November that would mean that we are driving through two major mountain ranges in December with a bus and a van with cargo trailer attached. I was having concerns! So we decided on the eve of Rosh Hashanah that we take this choice into our own hands. We took my sister-in-law out of the equation (we don't want to be making choices based on feeling backed into a corner) and we choose to stay and see this estate stuff through. We plan on leaving in March or April when it will be safer to travel.
Next comes the part where we tell the girls...
Xan is fine, she's got good friends here and is rooted. Artie, who promised me that she would get on a plane willingly the next time I told her to, is not fine. She doesn't want to come back to NY. She's got very good and compelling reasons not to come back here. She has a job working in a day care center (her very first serious job), she has friends, a good home with our friends, she's teaching herself her homeschool stuff, the adults on Lopez take her seriously and don't treat her like just another teenager (like here in Saratoga).
I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!!
Damn, sometimes I just don't want to be the Mommy. I want to be VICTORIA THE DICTATOR and just tell everyone exactly what they are supposed to do and they do it. It's a nice fantasy. I comfortable wishing for this. OK, I'm not.
So, Michael and I have many heart to heart and private conversations about our oldest and what is the situation that we can figure out that is going to serve everyone.
AND THE COMPROMISE IS:
Artie is getting on a plane sometime in December and we promise to have her back on Lopez sometime on or before
April 1st. That way she gets to keep her job at the day care center. We could just say, :"Ha, Ha, April Fools" when the time comes. Fuck....we're just not like that.
This means that she is only here for 3 months. I was hoping to have her all spring and sign her up for some groovy classes at the local colleges. She is interested in metalsmithing, and glass work, and wants to learn stage make-up. I wanted to offer these things to her in WA this past summer but we all know that didn't work out. We had found a great stage make-up course in Seattle. What now? What now....all I got was a pissy compromise that serves her better than it serves me....
I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS.
I'm not done hands on parenting. This was not how I saw my #1 chick leaving the nest. I don't want to be selfless and put her needs first. I want to stomp and cry and have me a major hissy fit. I want the time back that I've lost. We had no clue that we were not going to get home this summer.
I REALLY DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS.
Trying to get pregnant is fun, being pregnant is ethereal, giving birth is a state of grace, babies are warm and fuzzy, toddlers are a crack up, little kids are fun to banter with, kids are humorous, puberty is to be taken in stride, teenagers are great to hang with....
and entering womanhood is like trying to push an elephant through a keyhole.
I feel like I'm on the merry-go-round of life and trying desperately to kiss her on the forehead everytime I pass by.
I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS.

GARLIC INFUSED FUN

This weekend we were at the Hudson Valley Garlic Festival. One of my favorite shows of the year! Because of the delays with my mother-in-law's estate and never imagining that we would still be here on the East Coast we do not have a Fall show schedule. We were on the waiting list for the Garlic Festival and we got the call on Thursday night that someone had dropped out and there was a spot open for us. Whew!
It was a blast of a weekend. We normally do art shows not street fairs/festival type events. We do two festivals in our year. One is the Garlic Festival and the other is the Fremont Fair (in Seattle). They are both just "to die for" fun.
At the Garlic Festival there are craft vendors, food vendors, garlic farmers, lectures, cooking demos, people wearing garlic and people dressed up like garlic. Everyone is in a good mood. Lots of laughing, smiling faces. I saw garlic ice cream go by a few times but never got motivated enough to go and buy some.
We rocked. We were so busy that I only had enough time to go to one lecture or demo. I chose to go to one about growing garlic. It was way interesting. Do you know that garlic needs alot of sulphur in the soil to do really well? Or that garlic, like the banana, has lost it's fertility over time? Garlic's roots grow to about 4 feet in length. It's one of our most ancient plants and there are only 10 varieties in the world. There are many variations of the 10 original but only 10 original. I can't wait to get back to Lopez and get into the garden and plant me some garlic.
Michael and I walked around on Sunday morning before the show opened and bought garlic. We just had to go back to a few growers that we bought from last year and just loved their garlic. We bought Elmer's topset (I bought this last year because it had a funny name. The farmer doesn't know exactly what variety it is and his neighbor, Elmer, got the seed from his grandfather). We bought Korean Red (very spunky) and music (my all time favorite, it is mildish and has uniform large cloves). We bartered for jazz (a variation of music), reisig, and italian red. We also bartered for some fantastic locally made garlic-ginger chutney and some lemon-fig chutney. They are by a woman out of Cooperstown (I think that it's good for the homeplace of the Baseball Hall Of Fame to have good chutney joo-joo).
Since we were so busy, I didn't get to walk around and take pictures of my favorite artists there. So, I came up with the idea of trying to capture reactions to Michael's work on film.
I was sitting outside our booth with a table full of garlic roasters:

Here are few pictures of people's reactions to the garlic roasters:




It was a much harder task than I expected. I learned that there is a big difference between looking and reacting. Capturing someone reacting was really hard. I think that I want to play around some more with this idea.....
We got to stay in Woodstock with our friends Bernard and Judy. We had two fabulous dinners at some amazing restaraunts. One of them, New World Home Cooking is a place that I wanted to eat at last year but we never got to. I have heard the owner/chef on NPR often and like his philosophy on food. The meal we had there was great! On Friday night after we set up we were driving to meet Bernard and Judy for a celebratory Rosh Hashanah dinner and we passed this place called Lucky Chocolates. It was closed, lit up like a christmas tree, and there was someone running around inside with pink hair. Of course, we had to stop and look in the windows. Rae, the pink haired owner, let us in and we bought lots of delicious chocolates!!! Rae is a talented chocolatuere. If you are ever in Woodstock you should check her out.
So that was our weekend. With all the angst that we've been going through this summer we needed some garlic infused fun.

LOVE IN MOTION

Last Sunday Xan and I went to our friend Elizabeth's wedding shower. Our wonderful, totally spiritual, and body beautiful Elizabeth has found her soulmate and is getting married.
It was a potluck. We arrived and milled. I met Elizabeth's fiancé, Andrew, and then he had to leave. I got to meet Andrew's sister and Eliz's Aunt. We munched on a bunch of yummy food and then the fun got started.
We sat around and made some prayer bundles for Eliz. We had lots of groovy herbs and spices to choose from. All of them with properties that reflect all the wonderful foundations of a meaningful relationship. After we were done with the prayer bundles we had Eliz take center stage and we wrapped ribbons with our good wishes for her around a branch wreath that we put around her waist. In the middle of our ritual together I realized that it was the first time that I was enjoying circling with Xan, just the two of us. I had to lean over and tell her.

Eliz is such an elegant spirit. She was in her element.


















She danced in our circle of love.



















She moved like a woman who knows her greatness.



















We were graced, in our ritual circle, to be able to drape our Eliz in womanly prayer.






It was a great evening. Eliz played the piano and we took turns reading poetry. We feasted on good wine and food. Eliz and Andrew got foot massages. We saw Eliz open up her gifts. Everyone drew all over her body.
Xan captured this moment of love in motion.

MY DENSTIST GEM

I went to the dentist on Thursday. Now don't feel sorry for me. Not just yet anyway.
My dentist, Dr. David Presser who has an office in Clifton Park, NY is a wonderfully funny individual. I'd love to link you to him but alas, he has no website. So, if you live in the Capitol Region in upstate NY then you should definitely look him up.
I have been having some old craggy fillings replaced and that has meant many visits with Dr. David.
This is a picture of Dr. David: The first time I saw this on him I thought that I was going to pee in my pants. Maybe out of fright but mostly I was thinking of stories that Michael tells me of learning about how to survive a nuclear bomb attack at school (think the 50's and early 60's). How the teacher would show all the kids in the class how they have to hide under their desks. Like that was going to save anybody! So, here is Dr. David in his gas mask attire and I'm trying not to crack up. I guess he wears it because of the mercury in my fillings.
Dr. David also sings to me, "Vic...tooorrrr...Ey......Ah" and he talks to me asking me all sorts of questions and then says, "Oh yeah, you can't answer me." I love a good sense of humor and he makes my visits very enjoyable. Go figure, eh?
I am not a dentist enthusiast mind you. I had a very bad "rubber dam" experience a few years ago back in Seattle. I went to the dentist just as we were getting ready to drive across the country. Long story short, the dentist screwed up and I spent from WA to AZ in exquisite pain. I loathe those rubber dams. Here's the TMI part: I am in incest survivor and had kept my incest secret for far too many years. I am a jaw clencher and anything that forcibly makes my mouth stay open is a bad thing!! I hate those rubber dams. I think that the devil invented them and gave them to the dental profession to use on goodly innocent people (like me).
Now Dr. David has restored my faith in dentistry. He keeps my spirits up during a procedure and when he is done he does some cranial sacral work. I was impressed.
Now, I saw Dr. David at a party before I had my last appointment and I asked him if I could take a picture of him of him in his gas mask. I thought that it would be a fun picture taken by me in the chair holding up the camera. He said that it sounded fine to him. So, when he gets his gas mask on he lets me take the picture. The one above is the second because the first one is the one I got of his stomach. Hey, it's hard to aim when you are stuffed with novocaine. After he was done with the procedure and before the dreaded rubber dam was removed Dr. David said that if I got a picture of him then it was only fair if I took a picture of me. What?! He did make sense though...again I was under the influence of novocaine. This is me with my rubber dam in Dr. David's office: Now you can feel sorry for me. I got suckered into taking a ridiculous picture of myself and I must still be under the influence of dentist mania something because I am posting it here. Don't I look good in my teal colored rubber dam? I think that color suits me well. I'm going to tell Dr. David that teal is only color that I will have in my rubber dam.
In all seriousness, I love Dr. David. I love him for being great at his profession, his compassion and sense of humor. Now mind you, my jaw still hurts. It takes me about a week to recover from that damn rubber dam but I go to the dentist without reservation these days. Dr. David is my dentist gem.

ANOTHER FUN WEEKEND

This past weekend we did an art show in Manassas, VA. Whoever heard of Manassas? I hadn't. It was an OK show for us. Not much of a big turnout but we had some repeat customers who made our day. We work with a promoter, Sugarloaf, and this was one of their shows. A big benny is that we got to stay with our close friends Suzi and Barry at Camp Wapakoneta.
Michael and I both have, and had, colds and it was very hot there in Manassas. We did have a very fun meal at a Salvadorian restaurant. We were bummed that they had run out of yucca fries. We love yucca fries! We had a tasty Indian meal with our friends Lauren and Patricia. They just moved out of DC and into Falls Church (another obscure town). They were telling us about their new inversion machine that they just got. It's one of those gidgies that you hang upside down in. It releases the pressure off of your spine. They just got this thing and to start off they hang for less than ten minutes at a time. Can you imagine? And this machine takes up space. Our friends have just moved into a small basement apartment so that they can sell their condo in the city. And here is this huge machine taking up space in the living room. But worth it!! Patricia has back problems and already she feels better. I'm afraid that I'd get into one of those things, get stuck upside down, and laugh to death. L and P and are as wonderful as ever and it was great to see them.
On Saturday night we ate in at Camp Wapakoneta. Suzi invited Chris and DA over. They live behind Suzi and Barry. I was not feeling so great so soon after dinner I went to bed. DA phoned a little while later to say that there was a flower blooming in his garden that only blooms once a year. Michael got Xan out of bed and they went over to see it. He let me sleep because I had that cold. Chris took a picture for me. It's a beautiful white lily. I think that was pretty cool for them to see.
Miss Xan worked her tushie off this weekend. She booth sits for people, gets them drinks, walks their dogs, and brings them lunch. She knows how to process credit cards and take money. She works for about 10 or so people a weekend. We call her the "Sugarloaf Mayor" because just about everyone knows her and it's funny when they make the connection that we are her parents. She knows way more people at shows than we do. This weekend was very profitable for her.
I took this picture for Artie.....She really is a handy gal and we were so pleased to see that she, too, discovered the "whoever heard of Manassas" Manassas. We like to take pictures of places that have people's names on them. A quirky Terra thing.
On Monday we stayed over in Bethesda at Camp Wapakoneta to have our car looked at. We like a mechanic there. So, Michael, Xan, and I went into DC to have some Smithsonsian fun. We saw "Aliens of the Deep 3D" at the IMAX (loved it even though I'm not a big fan of wearing 3D glasses)and dinosaurs (Xan's choice and always a good place to hang out) and a small exhibit of a couple who trekked through China and Tibet in 1923 (very interesting to us because we have been watching Michael Palin's adventures in the Himalayas and it is fun to compare the two). Stayed the whole day in the Natural History Museum then took the subway home.
Listened to "Merlin, the lost years" on the way back to NY. It was a groaner and the three of us kept wondering if this was the last tape. Just like a bad "B" rated movie...we hung on hoping that it would get better. It didn't. Xan and I worked on a Su Do Ku puzzle. We got turned on to one at Camp Wapakoneta. It was a good thing that it was in the Monday Post because that's the easiest one.
Arrived home on Tuesday evening to have 3 people say that they were worried about us because we always come back on a Monday. I guess people notice.
All in all another fun weekend.

SEXY HAIR

You can't tell by the picture but Michael has incredible hair. It is thick, has texure, is wavy, and very long. I see it down all the time (like, duh, eh?). I looked and looked through all our pictures on the computer and couldn't find one with his hair down. You can probably tell by the picture that my hair is not like his.
On Lopez we live on the road that goes to the ferry. Most people who come and go on the island drive past our house. When we first moved there and we were first building we were the topic of much island discussion. People told us how they liked the trees we put up. Gave us suggestions about exactly where we should put our foundation. We got postcards in the mail with people's input. Once a friend of ours was on the ferry. She was sitting behind a group of old ladies who came to the topic of the Terras. They were talking about all the work that we have done on our property. How they liked one thing but didn't like another. Then one old biddy turns to another and says, "And isn't it such a shame that his hair is so much better than hers?"
Now I ask you (this is real life here) who thinks of that shit?! So, I married a man with much better hair than my own. Ok, I don't like my hair either but I don't want anyone else to notice it's deficiencies. Did the old bat think that maybe I was thinking of Terra generations to come? That I was thinking of how beautiful the hair would be on our girls if they got the silkiness of my fine hair only thick like his? Artie's hair is fine like mine and wonderfully thick like his.
Michael can tie his hair in a knot. Alas, no one else in the family can do that. I can't even get barrettes to stay in, they slip right out. Michael can go for months on end without cutting his hair. I have to get my cut mine on a regular basis or it is frizzy and split end city on the ends. Michael can cut all his hair off and 6 months later it's down to his mid back again. I have to wait years to get my hair past my shoulders. His hair is only just starting to show the hints of grey hair age. I started going grey somewhere around 30. He can use cheap shampoo and never even notice. I have to be very careful about what kind of shampoo I use or else my hair is limp, limp, limp, and greasey.
So, where am I going with this. Nowhere really. But I ask you...where is the balance in all this. What do I have that is so great that isn't so great on him? When are the biddies on the ferry going to talk about how good my mmhhff is better than his?
When will I like my hair? When will I have the sexy hair?

SQUISHED FAIRY

This is how I feel today. Like a squished fairy.

UP ON STAGE AGAIN

In Saratogs Springs there is a folk coffee house called Caffe Lena. It is the oldest continiously run folk house in the US. Anybody who's anybody in the Folk world has performed there. Xan has performed there 3 times.
Her music teacher Elizabeth, who is also a composer, is quite involved over at the caffe and gets Xan to go over for open mike and perform songs that Xan has written.
This is a picture of a time this summer when Jupiter Circle, Elizabeth's group, performed a song that Xan had written. Before they performed it they invited Xan up on stage to talk about her piece. The song was amazing!! As soon as they were done with her song, Xan made us leave because she was embarrased and didn't want to end up on stage again.

THAT LUMP OF COLORED HEAD

Artie (girl #1 who will now be named) was dog tired at a show that we were doing in Minnesota last fall. A log of girl with red hair.
I miss her to bits. What I wouldn't do to see that lump of colored head.

WHAT A NICE DAY

A few years ago I was reading one of our trade magazines. I came upon an article that was written by a 19 yr. old young woman. Her father was an artist and she grew up going to many an art show and setting up with him. In the article she talked about all the places that her parents had taken her. At every show they made an effort to go and see the local sights. She said that she had been to every monument in Washington, DC.
That article affected me. We travel to many cities and up until that point my focus was get there, get in, set up, sell enough to pay the bills, break down, and get home. It was definitely time for a paradigm shift. We homeschool too. Why hadnt' it occured to me to stay an extra day and do something fun and oh-so-educational? We are now the new and improved Terra Family. I try and always book an extra day and to tie in whatever the girls are interested in at the moment into where ever we are. They have seen all of the Smithsonian with some it more than twice. They have been on hikes, to musuems, aquariums, special exhibits, and the Christmas windows at Marshal Fields.
Here are some pictures of what we did the Monday after the Pocono show. I had never been to the Poconos and wanted to go on a hike. PA has a lot of waterfalls!! Anyway, at the show was a forge demo. Really nice guys and they were local. Xan (girl #2 who will now be named) was grooving on the whole thing so we decided that we wanted to go over to their forge in Stroudsburg.

This is Ash. It was really nice to hang with him because he is getting ready to move out to WA state. He's moving to a town called Centralia, somewhere near Olympia. He is taking over some family property and setting up a forge out there. He told Xan that when we get home she can come out and play in the forge. With long pants and closed toed shoes, of course. Ash is also a former Renny and we shared Ren Fair stories. He was showing Xan how to work the steel and the fire. Look at this.

He was making this while he was showing Xan the ropes and then he gave it to her. How nice!
Their space is a big ground floor warehouse. We learned about how the steel arrives in sheets or poles. They have two furnaces, lots of steel tables, and these big machines that can hammer different weights like 25 lbs. or fifty lbs. Andrew showed us their portfolio. Everything from canopy beds to tree shaped spiral staircases. We arrived at the perfect time because they were feeling tired from the weekend and so they had time to hang out with us.

There we are having fun. Xan, Michael, Ash, Andrew (the actual owner) and Josh. It was a great morning! Thanks guys!!!
Andrew turned us on to some falls wich were bigger than the one I was thinking about going to. So around lunchtime we left the Artisans of the Anvil and went in search of the falls. If you link to their webiste check out the furniture in the portfolio. I want that sink!! And the bed!!
And find the falls we did. It was a nice walk/hike up and down the falls.

Here are Michael and Xan in front of Fullmor Falls on Dingman Creek.
After the falls we went into the town of Milford and had lunch at the Milford Diner. We are diner junkies. The waitress complemented me on my necklace. The one that I got from Vicki.
What a nice day.

THE VIEW WAS STUNNING

This past weekend we worked at the Poconos State Craft Festival. Nice show. Good quality art work and we had a stunning view. The show was a bit of bust (more than a bit really). It drizzled all day Saturday and it poured on Sunday. Which means that hardly any customers were there. A lot of sitting around in the damp and cold. We have enough years under our belts now that we take weekends like this "all in stride". I constantly remind myself that there are much worse jobs out there in the big world.
So, I took some pictures to share.

This is a picture of Michael (he's my husband who will from now on have a name) and Poochina. The vendor across from us had a pet capochina. Sweet monkey love. A very dear spirit who grooved on Michael. It drew a lot of attention toward our booth.....alas we were upstaged by a monkey.

This is Vicki. She and her husband are some of my favorite artists that I don't get to see often enough in our show circuit. They do brass sculptures and jewelry. I didn't know that we would see them there, so I was truly pleased to be able to visit with them. We bartered of course.

This is picure of some of Vicki's new work. I got a necklace that is a circle and it hooks together by the end ring fitting into the circle. I don't do her work justice. You can view their website for yourself and see their inspired creations.

These fun "bad day" mugs are made by our potter friend, Helen. She is whimsical and hoot of good woman! On our rainy Sunday I was thinkin' we could have used one of these mugs. Check out her work at her website.

And with a view like this there wasn't too much to complain about. So many times we are at shows that take place in convention centers with concrete floors, piped in muzak, and recycled air. The view was stunning.

JUST LIKE I SAID I WOULD

This picture is for Lisa.
We went out to dinner in Rutland a few weeks ago. All artists, all having fun. The waiter took this shot for us.
So, Lisa, just like I said I would.

CRAP SHOOT

Today we are off to the Poconos. Another opportunity to make money is upon us. I'm nervous about this one. They are all a crap shoot these days. And since we don't spend our summers here on the East Coast, all the shows that I'm booking are foreign to me. Our last show in Rutland, VT (Rutucky as it is fondly called by the locals) was a bust. EEK. We need cash and I'm edgy.
So, off to the Pocono State Craft Festival we go tra la, tra la. The Poconos. Land of the heart shaped bed. We are staying at The Super 8. I looked. I couldn't find any heart shaped beds.
I went over to AAA yesterday to pick up a guide book because I've never been to the Poconos and I want to go on a family hike on Monday. As an afterthought I asked the rep if she could look up the way to drive there. I thougth I would compare it to mapquest. She brought out a map and got onto her computer. She showed me on the map and then asked if I wanted a triptik. Oh My No!! Can you imagine if everytime time I travelled that I got a triptik? I'd have a closet full by now. It would be like a scene in a movie where you open up the closet door and you get washed away in...triptiks. Oh no, no triptiks for me. I've got a billion maps already in the car. From Florida to Alaska, Canada to Mexico, Puerto Rico to Hawaii, I've got it all. I can navigate the US quite well without a triptik thank you. I politely told her that it wasn't necessary and came home.
It seems that the Poconos has a lot of waterfalls and the Delaware Water Gap reserve. There will be ample opportunity to do something nature like and fun.
Oh, I know that some of my links are screwy. I'll fix them this weekend while we're watching HBO (kid fun in the hotel).
Off for another crap shoot.

THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS

OUR MAILBOX

I really like our mailbox.
It is red with yellow and blue dots.
I have no idea why it is posting in these funky colors but, hey, it's posting.....
Yep, this is our mailbox.

WANTING TO KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN...

I've been earnestly trying to post new pictures onto my blog. Really that's exactly what I've been doing.
The first one that I tried a few days ago worked like a charm! I interrupted important television watching so that the whole family could come and marvel at my feat of wonder. They did their appropriate "Yeah, that's cool" quips and resumed their television viewing.
I was so excited.
Oh, the pictures I can post.
The wonders that the very few who travel by here can see.
The glimpse of my most fascinating and intriguing life that they can experience with their visual cortexes.
But, alas, the computor blog God/Godess has failed me. That bugger has let me down!
No longer can I post a picture without Safari crashing. I am going to have to go the "blogger help group" and participate in some "posting pictures for the technologically challenged" group therapy. I emailed blogger support and got an email back telling me that I should try all these insightful "help" places first. Of course, I have already been there. I'm an engineer's daughter I'll have you know and very anal and methodical (when I need to be). Ah poop. And yes, I've sat down with husband and been to "how to reduse the resolution of your pictures" school. We got to travel to photoshop and everything! And by the way, he is not technologically impaired and he has no idea why this is happening.
Now after all that ranting....does anyone else out there have a mac powerbook G4 and use safari and "HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET YOUR PHOTOS TO POST!?!"
I'm calm now.
On the lighter side...we have purchased an antique stove. We were driving to a friend's party here in Saratoga Springs, NY. As we are driving, exactly at the same time, husband and I spot an antique stove that was sitting on someone's porch and there was a big sheet hanging from the porch that said, "Appliances for sale". Husband starts turning the car around. Girl #2 is the back yelling, "Oh no you don't! Don't stop." It was for sale...$60 bucks. It's an old "quality" brand made in 1936 and she's a beauty. Old enamel, beautiful tags, cool controls. All the bits that can rust have. We are going to convert her (maybe it's a him) into a cabinet. We're going to sand off the rust parts and paint them. Husband wants to keep our dishes in it. He wants to be able to say "Get the dishes out of the stove, please." It is our anniversary present to each other. 19 is the antique stove year.
Alas, no picture yet. Can you feel how forlorn I am?
I just know that you have been wanting to know where I've been...

MISSING HOME

This is a test to see if I can figure out the photo thing. I am very excited to see how capable I am. This is a photo that I took last September of Husband. It was his birthday and we went out on our friends steam powered boat for a sunset ride in Fisherman's Bay.
I look at it and realize how much I am missing home.

19 YEARS

You wake up one morning and you realize that you have spent almost half your life with them. I have now spent more time living with my husband than I have with my brothers or my mom or my dad.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have had more orgasms with this one man than any other partner you have ever had.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have farted in front of this one person more than you have farted in front of anyone else in your life.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have felt more annoyance for this one person than you have ever felt for any other being on the planet.
You wake up one morning and realize that you have longed for this one person more than you have for any other being on the planet.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you are half into your life together with this person beside you.
You wake up one morning and you realize that there is still a lot to learn about your partner.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have shared more joy with this one person than you have with any other.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have shared more sorrow with this one person than you have with any other.
You wake up one morning and you realize that you have cared about this person more than you have ever cared about anyone else in your life.

You wake up one morning and you say, "Has it really been 19 years?"

HOW I HAVE HELPED THE WORLD TODAY

Today I helped the world by:

I helped rid the world of toxic waste by emptying the litter box.
I helped rid the world of pollution by sweeping the kitchen floor.
I helped people with allergies world-wide by vacuuming up the dander on my bedroom floor. (I had dust moose)
I helped peace talks by speaking only gentle words.

I will help feed the world by working at the Farmer's Market today.

Wow, I am soooo awesome.

DROWN YOUR SORROWS IN CHOCOLATE

Another recipe because girl #1 asked me to send this to her last week. Which meant that I had to write it out for her. And because this has been her birthday cake for years and she is going to stay out on Lopez until we get there (I am so very sad).
Also, we went out to dinner in Rutland, VT with some wonderful artist friends and we ordered a mouse cake which was a tri-color mouse cake....but not nearly as good as this one.....

TRI-COLOR MOUSE

Chocolate Marquis (bottom layer):
10 oz. Semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, cut into bits
4 oz. (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 t. instant espresso, dissolved in 2 t. water
4 large eggs, separated
1/8 t. cream of tartar
2 T. sugar

Melt chocolate and butter together.
When chocolate is melted and smooth, whisk in dissolved coffee and egg yolks.
Beat egg whites and cream of tartar together until soft peaks form. Gradually sprinkle in sugar at high speed until stiff but not dry.
Fold 1/4 of egg whites into chocolate mixture to lighten it. Fold in remaining whites.
Pour into prepared mold. Refrigerate.


Mocha Mousse (second layer):
9 oz. Milk chocolate, (I like Cadbury. Tried Nestle once an didn’t like it)
cut into small pieces
4 t. instant espresso, dissolved in 1/4 C. water
1 1/2 C. heavy cream

Melt chocolate and coffee mixture together.
Whip cream until soft peaks form.
Fold whipped cream into cooled chocolate mixture. Mousse should seem very soft.
Pour into prepared mold. Refrigerate.


White chocolate mousse (top layer):
9 oz. White chocolate, cut into small pieces
1 3/4 C. heavy cream

Melt chocolate and 1/4 C. heavy cream together.
Whip cream until soft peaks.
Fold whipped cream into chocolate mixture. Mousse will seem soft.
Pour into prepared mold. Refrigerate.

Use a 9 inch springform pan.
Put a piece of plastic over the top layer otherwise it will get crusty.
Put each layer in the fridge as you make the next layer.
Make one layer right after the other, otherwise they won’t stick together.

So here it is...drown your sorrows in chocolate.

life is moving along...

Soon I have to go and pack up the car. We are off to Rutland, VT for an art show this weekend. Funny, it feels like we haven't done a show in a long time. We put so much energy in preparing for the wholesale show that we did in Philly last month that I feel it's been ages since we've set up shop.
It should be a fun weekend. I'm picking up girl #2 from her a stay with Granny. We will meet 1/2 way in NH at LLBean and do some shopping. A friend of ours is also in the show and we'll have dinner with her and her boyfriend on Sat. night. Girl #2 and the boyfriend are thick as thieves and always spend our dinners together drawing all over the table and making up jokes together. They particularly like to create sculpture with their food.
Yesterday my brother-in-law got a call from our lawyer. It seems that horrid sister wants to know who her brother's are hiring to come to mom's house and pick up their inheritance. WHAT??? Yeah, we think we'll hire each other. This is a woman who has moved a lot and every time has hired a service to do it for her. We do not hire people to move us, we do it ourselves. (ah, the lives of the poor and infamous) It does put us on edge, though. It makes us wonder what's she up to? Our lawyer thought it was a very strange thing to ask and is going back to the other lawyer to find out what's going on.
Girl #1 got a job out on Lopez. She's working the morning shift doing daycare at the Family Resource Center. I'm proud and sad. She is probably staying.
The weather has finally cooled off. We have turned off the air conditioners and have all the windows open. It's nice!!
Oh, the rodent in our ceiling.....it is a wasp nest. Hard to believe but true. They sounded just like a rodent scratching...weird!!
Roger, who I told that I was glad I hadn't seen him in so long, put some poison at the hole under the roof and they are dead. No more scratching, no more wasps, I am sleeping better and life is moving along.....

THINGS THAT I THOUGHT WERE A GOOD IDEA

Yesterday I thought it was a good idea to:

*mope
*put off calling the mortgage company because I got a letter from them saying that it just came to their attention that we have not paid our property taxes and if we don't than our mortgage will become delinguent.
*put off calling city hall and finding out how much we owe on our property and school tax which we have not paid because we needed the money and we are selling the house and that we would pay them off when we sell the house.
*put extra chocolate chips in the cookies i made.
*sit on the couch and watch a movie.
*check email every 1/2 hour to see if we have heard from horrid sister about the next step.
*talk to our lawyer, who has just returned from her vacation, about horrid sister and the next step.
*to sit on the couch, cry, eat cookies, and watch "eureka" on the sci fi chanel.
*to call roger, the exertiminator, because we have a rodent in our ceiling who is driving me CRAZY scratching at the sheet rock. (i just know that whatever it is is going to fall through on top of me)
*to make sezchuan spicy shrimp for dinner.
*to decide that the asshole, who we hired to paint and do some repairs on our house and we finally had to take to small claims court because he never finshed and we won the claim because he never showed up to court to the tune of $4800.00 and this asshole has telephoned us screaming and then showed up at our house screaming fuckin' profanity at us all the while saying "I'm here to finish the work", is not allowed on our property anymore and we'll just take the money and be done with it. he, by the way, never cleaned up after his first time here in the fall and left our collection of antique porcelain sinks that we had been collecting to take back to Lopez in front of our fence and they were stollen. we were off to a show and he promised me that he was coming over that day to put them back behind the fence where they belonged.
*go to bed and pull the covers over my head

These are just a few of the things that I thought were a good idea.

SHE'S NOT LEAVING ON THAT JET PLANE

Sorry for the lame title but I was at my Mom's house this weekend and she played John Denver. And yes, we all swayed and say along.

I called girl #1 last week to talk to her about flying back to NY in September. I'm thinking that we will be lucky if we can leave by the the beginning of October and it's time for her to come back and be with us. Guess what her answer is?.... "NO".
Shit. Now what does a good, thoughtful, caring parent do? It was all I good do to hold my super-mom hands from reaching through the phone lines and wopping her upside the head.
So, we made an agreement. Alright so I made the agreement. I gave her a week to figure it out. I told her that if she gave me a seriously compelling senario of a job, a place to live, and a homeschool agenda (it's her senior year) then I would seriously consider letting her stay. Really, I would. I mean, who can blame her...I don't like it here either. What makes me think that she likes it here and wants to come back to the awfullnes that we are dealing with?
So, last night I call her (the week is up).
"Hey, we need to talk about you flying home to us. What have you figured out?", I say with a bright and chipper sticatto.
"I'm working on it. I've been busy. I told you I am not leaving. You are not home. I am home and I don't like NY. I am not leaving.", she replied.
(I wanted to loose my cool. Scream at her that I own her and she better get her ass on a plane when I tell her to with no questions asked. Why didn't I raise a doormat?)
"Sweetie, honey, I gave you a week to figure it out and you haven't done that. We need to figure this out because the longer I wait the more expensive a ticket is going to be. I need this figured tonight", I calmly say back.
"I told you I've been busy Mom. (Oh, yeah, swimming with friends and overnights at the beach) Go ahead a buy me a ticket but I am not leaving", she says almost tersely.
Then it ensues into the Mom arguement of she's only 17 and she may not like it but she does not have the leisure to say "NO" about this until she's 18. (lame huh?)
She counters my "you need to come back (can't say the word home, she already told me NY is not home) and homeschool" ploy with the arguement that we don't homeschool and she's getting more done on her own than she ever did with me. (ouch!)
We came really close to "yes you are!" and "no I"m not!" but we didn't.
I finally said, "You have to come up with a date and if you don't have your plans to stay figured out by that date than you need to agree to come back to your family."
Dead silence.
"I'll call you tomorrow, Mom"
"OK talk to you tomorrow (you brave, powerful, not a doormat, frustrating, kick ass daughter of mine) honey."

She's not leaving on that jet plane.

THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP....DOESN'T IT?

Yesterday horrid sister parked her car in my mother-in-laws driveway in such a way that neither one of her brothers could park there. Husband had to park on the side of the road.
That about sums it up...doesn't it?

BEAT THE DRUM SLOWER SO THAT I MAY FEEL DOUBLE TIME

I am awake much too early. For me, anyway.
Today is the day that husband and his brother are going into their family home to put post it notes on items of the personal property that they want. It's a shitty out of court settlement. They each get 2 1/2 hours individually to complete an impossible task. Hopefully it well get the ball rolling and we can ditch the East Coast.
I feel like I'm stuck in humid sludge and I can't move. Can't breath. Can't focus on anything worth focusing on.
I want to hold husband. Do not let him go into the house alone. But I must, that is the agreement. Something that I've learned in the last couple of months is that we are honorable people....horrid sister is not. Horrid sister is quite disturbed.
Husband is equipped with a voice activated recorder, a digital camera, a cell phone, pre-marked post its (his are blue and extra sticky), and a list that we have made. How unprotected he is. How vulnerable. He has not set foot into his parent's home since his mother has died.
She (you know who) cut everyone off as soon as their mom was buried. No access, no telling. I can't imagine what today will bring for her brothers. Her cruelty is.....no good words...just is.
I'm so.........just so......just so unable to express myself.
Can you beat the drum slower so that I may feel double time?

SOMTIMES YOU GUESS RIGHT

We often have to stay in a hotel when we are at one of our art shows. This time we are doing a big-deal wholesale show. The preparation has taken us weeks. We've created brochures, changed our prices, talked and talked and talked to lots of other folks who do this thing.
It's my job to book the hotel and figure out all the logistics. I bounce between expedia and orbitz and priceline. This time there was quite a learning curve of deciding to stay in the city (hotel cost and pay for parking) or stay outside of the city (hotel cost and pay the toll on the bridge and then pay for parking). After a week of looking I decided on staying outside of the city at a Ramada (over the Days Inn). Oh my, I chose right! The Ramada was recently bought by a family from India. The people are friendy. They have cool names like...Rashmi. And the best.....the hotel restaraunt is Indian. How could they have known that I love Indian food. The decor in the restaraunt is beautiful. At breakfast this morning they gave husband some groovy Indian chutneys for his eggs. I love it here.
Must go and have M&M's and HBO......
Sometimes you guess right.

ENJOY

My best friend, Andrew, dubbed my cheesecake "orgasmic". I think it's pretty damn close.
It was a staple in my baking business and since I'm on a recipe roll.......


VICTORIA’S ORGASMIC CHEESECAKE

Preheat oven to 375
INGREDIENTS:
Crust:
1/2 C. sugar
1 sick of butter
1 C. flour
2 t. cinnamon
1 C. walnuts or pecans

Filling:
1 1/2 lbs. Cream cheese
1 C. sugar
3 eggs
1/2 t. vanilla

Topping:
1 pint sour cream
2 T. sugar
a dash of vanilla


Combine all crust ingredients in a food processor and pulse until combined. Press into a 9” springform pan. Evenly cover the bottom and halfway up the sides.

Cream the cream cheese, vanilla, and sugar together. ( I always start with the cream cheese and beat it for a few seconds so it is smooth.) When fully blended it will be creamy. Pour over crust and bake for about 40 min. The cake is done when the center jiggles like firm Jell-O. Remove from oven.

TURN OVEN TEMP UP TO 500
Mix sour cream, sugar, and vanilla until creamy. Pour over slightly cooled cheesecake. Put in oven for 5 min. to let the topping set. After the cake is cool refridgerate for at least 6 hours before serving.

This cheesecake was a hit in our “Moonstone Baking” business. It is creamy (not at all like a NY style cheesecake) with a crunchy nut crust. In the Fall try laying sliced pears in the bottom before pouring in the filling. Autumn Cheesecake….YUM!! Enjoy!

THE COVETTED CHEESECAKE RECIPE

My mother-in-law, Audrey, was a great cook. She took great care and concern in the kitchen.
When I was pregnant with daughter #1 I came up with this hair-brain idea that I should bake desserts for restaraunts. Audrey, at some point in her life, used to make cheesecakes and sell them. These cheesecakes are a matter of legend in my husband's family history.
So, Audrey calls me up and offers me her cheesecake recipe. The covetted cheesecake recipe. The recipe that Audrey used to make ends meet. The recipe that she "wows" friends and family with. The recipe that her godson begs her for whenever she visits him. THAT CHEESECAKE RECIPE. We are talking about 17 years ago here. I remember sitting at our kitchen table and writing it down.
The sad part is....I never made the cheesecake. I had my own cheesecake recipe that I wanted to use. My own cheesecake recipe that I used to "wow" friends and family with. I politely wrote it down and put it into a notebook holder that I put all my recipes in. I used my own cheesecake recipe to "wow" the restaraunts and it was a mainstay in my baking business...just like Audrey's recipe was to hers.
Jump forward to the present and the planning of Audrey's Memorial......
Most of the family is gathered around and thinking of foods to serve. The cheesecake recipe comes up but no one has a copy of it (or so we think). We do not have access to Audrey's house so no one can go and look for it. Then......I remember sitting at the kitchen table all those years ago writing down her recipe. "Oh my God!", I say, "I think I've got it in my recipe file."
And I did. It was made for the memorial. I made one and my sister-in-law made one. They were great!!
Audrey is deceased. She has left her physical body. May her cheesecake live on.........


AUDREY’S CHEESECAKE RECIPE

Preheat oven to 350.

Crust:
10 Social Teas or equal amount of Graham Crackers crushed
1 T. Butter at room temp.
1 T. Sugar
Cream the butter and sugar together (this can be done by hand) and add the crushed cookies or crackers.
Press into a springform pan. (I think that a 9” or 10” size will do.)


Filling:
2 lbs. Cream cheese at room temp.
6 Eggs
1 1/2 C. Sugar
2 T. Flour
1 T. melted Butter
1/2 pint Sour Cream
1/4 C. Heavy Cream
1 t. Vanilla
Using a blender, blend at low to medium speed until completely mixed together.
If your blender can’t handle all of the ingredients at once then 1/2 the recipe and do two different batches that you can combine in a big bowl.

Spread onto the crust 1/4 C. jam of your choice.

Pour in the filling.
Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour. After 1 hour turn off the oven and crack the oven door open. Let stand in there for 1 hour.


May I take a moment here and say that I feel really special. Audrey gave me the recipe. Me. I think she saw a kindred spirit in me. Who knows. I do know that it was me.
Me....The covetted cheesecake recipe.

ENJOY YOUR LATKES GUILT FREE

I have been thinking about my deceased mother-in-law a lot lately. No wonder because we are still in the horrible entanglement of her estate. I just can't even talk about anymore it makes us so upset.
This is Audrey's latke recipe....with a good story.

INGREDIENTS:
9 large russet potatoes, peeled
3 small onions, grated
3 eggs
1 tsp. Oil
salt and pepper to taste
Oil for frying

DIRECTIONS:
Take 3 of your potatoes and boil and mash them. ()You may add milk and buter to your mashed potatoes if you wish.) Set your mashed potatoes aside.
Grate the remaining potatoes. Put in a large bowl. As you are putting your grated potatoes in your bowl press out excess liquid.
Add your mashed potatoes, onion, eggs, oil, salt, and pepper.
Mix all together.
Heat a frying pan, griddle or cast iron skillet over medium high heat with a layer of oil on the bottom of the pan.
Wash your hands and grab a handful of potato batter and shape it into a circle about 2-3 inches in diameter and about 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. It is all personal preference.
Fry latkes. When golden and crisp on each side, drain them on paper towels.


When my Mother-In-Law, Audrey Thomas, was pregnant with her first child her father took her out to lunch at Ratners Dairy Restaurant. Ratners was a well known Jewish Orthodox Kosher restaurant on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. As they were finishing their meal their waiter came by asking how everything was. Audrey replied that her potato latkes were so wonderful and how great it would be to have the recipe. The waiter became distressed and did an about face into the kitchen. Audrey could see into the kitchen through the windows of the big swinging kitchen doors. She saw the waiter making frantic gestures to one of the cooks. Both the waiter and the cook came out into the dining room in heated discussion. The cook had a large ladle in his hand and was pointing it directly at Audrey. They both went back into the kitchen gesturing and discussing. The waiter then came out and handed Audrey a piece of paper with a handwritten recipe on it. He told her that Ratners is a restaurant and selling their food is their livelihood. It was against their policy to share recipes. But since it was quite obvious that Audrey was pregnant they had a religious philosophical conundrum. In the Jewish Orthodox faith it is believed that if a pregnant woman makes a request of someone that someone must oblige if it is at all humanly possible. Of course it was possible (even though they had a “no share” policy) for them to give her their recipe so they had to. He asked her to not share the recipe with anyone.
So Audrey got her recipe and she didn’t share it for many years. Ratners has since closed so you can enjoy your latkes guilt free!!

GODMOTHER

I've been checking email every 5 minutes. At least it seems like every 5 minutes. Looking for that response to an email that was sent. What will they say? How will they respond? Why the hell can't this just be talked through?
The frustrations still continue........

Today I fly to Montana with my Mom. We are off to the wedding of our God-daughter. Fun factor high!! It is going to be fun to be at a wedding. It is going to feel so good to be close to the West Coast. I am going to drink Moose Drool beer (one of my favorites). I am going to see my cousins (not really related, but close enough) that I haven't seen in years. To be West, drink, laugh, shed a few sentimental tears of joy, and connect with loved ones. I'm looking forward to it.
Sarah is my god-daughter. I really don't know her very well. She arrived on the planet when I was a teen. Soon after, my parents moved to Saudi Arabia and I was in England at boarding school. I got back to the states and did college...and on, and on. When my parents moved back to the states there was a distance between Sarah's parents and mine. I have no idea what happenned. Not really anything, I think. They just grew apart.
I grew up with Sarah's older brothers. As a child I loved them with all my heart. I haven't seen them in probably 20 years. Sarah's mom is my godmother. I see her every couple of years or so. We are friendly. Not close but we both have great affection for one another. I always look she and Uncle Vic up when we are doing a show near them.
I've been thinking a lot about this role as Godmother. "Godmother: A female sponsor of a child at baptism." At a young age I promised to make sure that Sarah kept in keeping with the faith that she was being baptised in. Episcopalian. I haven't been an Episcopalian since my early twenties. I am not a religious person. Very spiritual. New Age. Hippy. I'm a Goddess worshiper, Jewish, Unitarian Universalist and just about any other good woo-woo thing you can come up with. I have no idea what Sarah believes in. Honestly, I don't really know her. Love her from a distance. So glad that she is on the planet. Oh, yes!!!
So, I feel that it is most important to travel to Montana and look her in the eye. Ask, "Are you good with God/Goddess or whatever greater power you believe in?". Hopefully she will say, "Yes". I can then know that I have performed a Godmotherly duty. I can say, "We're good here".
For a wedding gift husband and I created a ceramic sculpture called "The Guide". It is a woman's face (mine but manipulated to not look like me so much) with a map coming out of one side of it like it were hair. One of her eye's is an antique compas (a real one, glued in). Her eye that you can see is closed. This sculpure is my physical interpretation of my role as Godmother. There is the map, the compass, the inward eye to your spirit. Man, I hope she likes it. It might be too "out there" for her taste. Oh well. It is from the heart and that's what counts.
So, today I am off to be Godmotherly with Mom the other Godmother.
Godmother.

I'M DONE

To a crispy fried beyond golden brown. I'm done.

My hair is puffed beyond recognition smoking like a rocket. I'm done.
My once melon-like breasts are crumbly dried hot peppers. I'm done.
My round goddess-like figure is pussy and stale. I'm done.
My legs that have held my body are stilts of dead wood. I'm done.
My feet that bear the burden of all of me are flat and sore. I'm done.
My aura is an undescribable mess of drab. I'm done.

May I go home now Mother?
May I now cool myself in the waters of my home?

I am longing to feel the cool night air licking my cheeks. Caressing my ankles.
I am longing to take this shrivelled up clump of me and fix it up right.
Pour home water on it, feed it garden food, and have the night heavens breath life back into it.

May I go home now Mother?
I'm done.

AS IT SHOULD BE

My husband and his brother got a letter from Horrid Sister. Basically the jist is....Mom loved and trusted me best and you are just going to have to live with yourselves. She is horrid alright. Now she is saying that she will only allow her brothers into the house one at a time with post it notes. Each brother gets to walk around with a pad of post its and put a post it on what he wants. Then whenever probate is over they get to come and pick up whatever is theirs. And we guess that she will decide who gets what when they both want the same thing or if either of them wants what she wants.
Wow!!! Isn't she the poster woman for fairness? No other family member is allowed in.
What a trip huh? There are things that Michael is interested in and we want to go and look at them to see if we really want that in our house. Imagine that? How insane and unreasonable of us. I have been in my M-I-L's house many times. I lived in that house for almost a year but for the life of me I can't remember what her bureau looks like or if the trundle bed in the guest room is really something that we want to drag across the country. What a pain. A royal fucking pain.
My husband and I wrote a letter to Horrid Sister trying to appeal to her sense of fairness and trying to just get her to do the just thing. Oh NO!!!!! It's not a part of her make up these days. She said in her letter that she knows for certain that her mother had no intention of giving anything to her son's spouses. That must be why about 7 weeks before she died she wanted me to walk through her house with her and tell her what I wanted. I really didn't want to do that with her so I put her off and we made a plan that I would do it with her when we got back from Florida. Frankly, there really isn't anything that I want for myself that is in that house. I am interested in deciding with my husband what is best to bring into our home and I am interested in things that our children want. What a witch!!!
So this weekend husband and daughter #2 and I spent time with my mom. On Sunday my mom set up a meeting with my two brothers and I. We all walked through the house and decided what we wanted. It took hours! My oldest brother only wants a few things and he was done in 15 minutes. So the rest of the day it was my other brother and myself and my mom. It was a sweet time. We walked from room to room and Mom talked about things. We learned a lot about our family history. I made lists of what everyone wanted. When we were done going through the rooms I sat down with my brother and we went through the things that we both wanted. We talked it through and when we were only down to one item we had daughter #2 flip a coin for us. Lots of stuff like nic-nacs and figurines and cake plates and dolls and beanie babies and barbies and the whole Franklin Mint collectable shit (was that my outside voice?) can all be divided later amoungst all the children and grandchildren. My brother and I had a really nice day and it felt good to give up wanting my Dad's chair knowing that now whenever my brother has dinner at my mom's house that is where he sits because he is the head of the house now. He should have that chair. He let me have the Spode Christmas China because it is really an expression of my mom and I want to always remember her using it. We split up a bureau and night table set because our Nana painted roses on them and that way we could each have one. I got the night stand that Daddo built because my brother has more toys and forts that Daddo built.
Mom is not even near death but it felt good to take care of all of it. It was a good day. As it should be.

OVER THE BRIDGE AND NORTHBOUND

This past weekend we did a show at Lincoln Center in NYC.
We stayed in a friend's loft in the village. These friends of ours are amazing jewelers that we know from the Ren Faire that we work at in Florida. In Florida they live in a converted schoolbus that has a VW bus welded to the top. The VW makes a loft and is their bedroom. The bus is painted blue and purple. They have a medieval style wooden door. They own 3 or 4 birds that travel with them and a dog named Shasta. They haved lived in the same loft for years and years. They are true Village Hippies.
We got there on Friday night and to my surprise and non-surprise their loft looks like the inside of their schoolbus. It was fun! There was also another girl there who our friends know from the Ren Faire circut. She has the most amazing cat!!! This cat is part African Servel (I don't know how one spells "servel" but this is how it is pronounced). This cat, Duncan, is amazingly large. He stands almost up to my knee and he is only a year old and not full grown. He kept us up at night wanting to play. At one point he dropped something wet, weighty, and gooey on husband's leg. Husband kicked it off and Duncan was in high chase. Ick...who knows what it was.
The show went well. It was fun to be in the city. EXHAUSTING but fun. We haven't done a show in the city for a few years and we had some people come by and remember us from other NYC shows. We had nice neighbors. A couple from Argentina and the husband does metal work. He makes all sorts of Judaica. One of our neighbors was from DC and she makes pocket books out of vintage fabrics and wool. Her stuff is neat. There was a guy who makes shirts and jackets that look like they came from the "Xanadu" movie, very 80's. And the creme de la creme was a gentleman named Michael from San Francisco who does wire sculptures. He hung them all from way up high....human figures afloat. They were wonderful!!!
We had a lovely lunch on Monday with our cousin David. He works at a music store across the street from Lincoln Center. We went to an indian restaraunt that had wonderful food.
With our bellies full, our pockets moderately stuffed with cash, and our eyelids being held up with toothpicks we drove out of the city. Over the bridge and northbound.

THE UPLIFT AND THE DOWNLIFT

My M-I-L's memorial tea was this past Saturday. I must admit that it was a lot of fun. There were a few tears but mostly it was a laughter filled hall. We set up with my brother-in-law and his family the night before and the day of. We set up card tables with tablecloths over them and put coffee mugs and teapots and paint brushes and flowers as centerpieces. It was set up like a cabaret. We had music (an original composition by daughter #2). It was the first time I heard her piece in it's entirety. Wow! My M-I-L died in the helicopter that was bringing her to the hospital. Daughter #2 explained that and told everyone the name of the piece is "flown". She was incredible. There was song. We had an MC who introduced people as they came up to the mike to tell stories. It was great!!
Horrid sister was there. She snubbed her siblings (no great surprise). She took our daughters aside and said things to them like, "I know you live with the enemy" and "No matter what your parents say about me...blah,blah,blah....". Our amazing girls held their own and politely told her that it wasn't like that in our house. Unlike her we do not engage in such talk in general.
I'm infuriated with her for doing this to my children. I am deeply saddened (sadenned? The first one looks right.) that she seems to have no filter, no sense of what you say to an adult verses what's appropriate to say to a child. It's is quite clear to me that at the moment she is venom and is not getting anywhere near my children!!!! I am also feeling like I let my girls down because I didn't see it coming. I didn't prepare them for her pulling them aside for a secret chat. What a dope!!!!! I apologized to them. I was blindsided. Well not really. In the context of everything that is going on it is true to horrid sister's character these days.
We have offered her a very reasonable settlement which was presented to her a week ago. No response.
She left a nine minute rant on her mother's best friends voice mail two weeks ago. She said that as long as she draws breath her brothers will never set foot into their mother's house. Shit...eh?
On a happier note...I've been taking a weaving class and love it. I get there at 7pm and two minutes later it is 9pm and the class is over. I love the rythm of moving my feet from treddle to treddle and gliding the shuttle over the warp. Back and forth, back and forth. It's a tidal and ancient rythm. It's sanctuary for my soul.
Like my weekend...the rythm of the uplift and the downlift.

MOVING DAY

I wish it was my moving day. Alas it is not.
Today one of our tenants is moving out. She lives in our one bedroom apartment. When she looked at the apartment I told her that if she wanted to fall in love this was the place for her. Every "single" tenant that we have had in that apartment has found the love of their lives and moved out because the apartment is really cozy and just right for one.
So, she's off with her boyfriend for their larger apartment in the sky.
Maggie is movin in and she already has a boyfriend. Wonder what that means.......
It's moving day.

TWICE

Many years ago when daughter #2 was a wee babe she had night terrors. They lasted for about six months. They started when she about a year and half old. Anyone who has lived through night terrors knows that they are frightening as hell!!
She would wake up in the middle of the night and scream. She wasn't really awake. She was in some in between place. She wouldn't let anyone touch her. She saw things that we couln't see. Her hysteria was uncomprehendable. She couln't have anything touch her which, of course, is impossible. She flailed, screamed, talked nonsense, cried. In the morning she would remember nothing and would be herself. My little old soul vibrant daughter #2.
I found that sometimes I could stop it coming. She slept next to me and there was this certain twitch that she would do right before she'd "go off the deep end". If I could catch the twitch then I could connect with her and keep her in the moment, soothe her into staying here on the planet instead heading off into places unknown to me. If I didn't catch the twitch then we discovered that if we got her outside under the stars, walk her around, try to hold onto a feral child, she would calm down, come back to us and still not remember thing in the morning.
In the daylight hours daughter #2 starting telling us a story. It was her waking story. One that came in bits and pieces over a couple month period. One of how her Mommy had left her with Daddy. Daddy was not a nice man and he killed her. Imagine how we felt? From the mouth of our babe comes a horrrific story. A very sad, very adult, very realistic in detail, horrific story.
We came to understand that our daughter. Our very young daughter was reliving her death. The night terrors we witnessed were her reliving her death. It all fell into place. We watched and listened with new ears. The things she said during her hysteria made more sense to us. They way she struggled we saw as her trying to defend herself. The daylight and night time came together as one. It was our truth. I believe it. I lived it. It was a heart wrenching time.
So, what do we do? I had a friend who is an herbologist. I saw her one day in the local health food store. I told her what was going on and was there anything that she recommened. Without skipping a beat she suggested a Bach flower remedy called "Rescue Remedy". She said that Rescue Remedy is really good at bringing people into the moment. I would have tried anything that she recommended!! Rescue Remedy worked so well!! Once we got it into her (it's drops), daughter #2 would settle down enough to be touched and it was easy to get her outside and after walking around she would wake up and then we could all go back inside.
Don't you think that is a great ending to my complicated story? Well, to that part of the story it is. The other half of the story is that someone overheard me in the health food store talking to my friend and decided that I was off my rocker. That person called Child Protective Services because night terrors can be a sign of abuse. Yes, they were right....just very, very wrong. So CPS shows up at my door one day and wants to come in and hear about my daughters' night terrors. They had already been up at school and interviewed daughter #1 and had already interviewed friends of ours. All before they got to my door. I was unnerved. I belong to a Goddess Circle and believe in honoring the Goddess. In my house I have many Goddess statues and wall hangings. I thought that I was fried. I had to sit at our kitchen table and tell the two caseworkers my strange story. Nothing ever came of it. The claim was unfounded.
I am full of the question as to why CPS has showed up at my door twice?
We are very thoughtful parents. We work on our relationship. We try to be better parents than our own. We try to always treat our children as individual humans not as extensions of ourselves.
I am hit with the realization that we live a very alternative life. People observe us and find us fascinating and frightening.
It makes me sad because I love the human race. I love life, people, the planet, all living beings (I could do without cockroaches and there you have it). I think that my children are awesome and turning out to be fantastic women. We get complimented often on how inspirational our family is. We get complimented often on how incredible our girls are.
How then does CPS show up at my door twice?
Twice?

BLUE SKIES OUT THERE

We had a very good weekend. It was our first time doing this particular show and it was fun. We had great neighbors. On one side we had a woman from Isreal who made jewelry out of bottle caps and on the other a husband and wife who make hand-made chenille jackets. We laughed a lot. We ate chocolate. It poured!! I was very glad that I decided to book us under the big top. We saw many of our customers that we haven't seen in a while. Which means that it was a good thing that we sent out a mailing.
I want to share with you a few of the artists that really caught my eye. At every show that we go to we all try to walk around and look at stuff. During dinner we usually discuss the things that intrigued us. It's fun to know what each other is attracted to and why. Two of my favorites are href="http://www.monaadisabrooks.com">Mona and href+"http://www.primitivetwig.com">Bill & Marcia Finks. Mona makes funky dolls and other sculptures. The Finks' do metal sculpture. I bought a metal sculpture from Bill a month ago. It's a pair of old spice tins made into a couple. We call them the Mccormicks and we just love them!!
This blog took me a couple of days because I wanted to put the links in. One day to think that I wanted to to it. One day to print out the instructions. One day to ignore the instructions. One day to try and use them.
Tomorrow is daughter #1's interview with the CPS caseworker. Hopefully this will all be over soon. But, I do see blue skies out there.

AND WE'RE OFF.....

I'm up before everybody else. Not uncommon. I'm the morning bell. The wake-up call. My gentle voice rings through out the house, "Wake-up girls. Time to get up.". Five minutes laters my gentle voice rings through out the house, "Wake-up girls. Time to get out of bed.". Fifteen minutes later my gentle voice rings through out the neighborhood, "Come on girls. Get up.".
Twenty minutes later my gentle voice rings through out the county, "Get out of bed now!!!!.".
This morning we are packing up for a show in Tarrytown, NY. This one is supposedly a very snooty one so we washed our rubber floor mats yesterday and the side panels to our tent. We want to look fresh and snappy for all our customers. Husband says it feels like the circus everytime we set up and break down. Not just because we are clowns. It's the magic of creation. Starting with a blank space and filling it.
So, off we go in our big white van, Moby, with hopes that someone remembered to bring cash for tolls. We've been known to forget and have to borrow from the girls. This show is at an estate, it might even be some sort of national park...something like that. It's a mansion called, Lyndhurst. On Sunday morning we get a free tour of the mansion. I'm thinking...homeschool!
Mornings that we leave for shows are like being at the horse races. We are twitchy, anxious. Everybody running around trying to gather what they need and trying not to forget the stuff you really need. We pile into our very own big white, starting gate...and we're off.

IT'S REALLY GREY OUT THERE

In a million years. No, in a million, trillion years will you guess what I did this morning.
We got a visit from CPS. Someone called in a complaint about us. There is a child abuse hotline here in NY and someone called in their hot tip of the day. They feel that our children are being homeschooled improperly. They referred to it as "educational neglect". They said that our children have to work in our pottery business. And something to the effect that there is just all around neglect.
The interview process was rather painless. The CPS worker was pleasant and great with our youngest daughter (who was wigged out!). We answered all her questions. We gave her a tour of our apartment. She interviewed daughter #2 (daughter #1 was at a friends house). We had to give her someone else to contact to ask about us. We did. We talked about unschooling and child directed learning. We set up an appointment for her to interview daughter #1.
Now we just sit back and wait. Who would do this? Is it someone wanting to give us a hard time? Or is it someone that in their heart of hearts truly feels that our children are not getting a proper education and we are neglecting them? We will never know. Ouch!
There will always be a case file on us now.
Is this backlash from horrid sister? The timing works. The call was made on the same day that she finds out that her brother is revoking his waiver and contesting the will and her as executrix. Would she? Could she?
I can't find my rose colored glasses. It's really grey out there.

RAINING BUCKETS

It is literally. Raining buckets out there. I sit at the our desk in front of the window and see rain. Lots of water. I find weather comforting.
I told him. Read my last post if you're interested in what that means. I don't feel like getting into it but I talked, he listened, was receptive. For the moment it is enough. In the near future I will have to revisit the discussion because he needs to talk. For the moment...it is enough.
We went to the lawyer's office yesterday and Husband singed an affidavit saying that he is revocing his waiver of consent (for his sister being the executor of his mom's will). He and his brother are also contesting the will and contesting their sister as the executrix. How sad and ugly it all is. Both brothers and their spouses spent three hours with the lawyer on Monday. Draining, draining, draining. In a nutshell...Sister is not really doing anything illegal. Here in NY state the executor gets carte blanche. She is within her legal right to shut everyone out of the house and it is her right to divide (all by herself) the residuary estate equally between she and her brothers. She may decide who gets what as long as everything is monetarily equal. She could, if she gets insane enough, liquidate it all and give her brothers equal shares of cash.
So her brothers are taking legal action. They are going to contest her as executor and contest the will. They are going forward with their pistols blazing, the fog machine spueing, the fireworks bursting. And....I can't say anymore about it right now. I can't tell you what their plan is because who knows who will read this....I can't tell you what it is they are really after because I don't want it read by the wrong person. When I can, I will......
I will say that we thought long and hard about it. It pains husband and I to do this. Sister has become suspect and untrustworthy. We don't want to cause her pain. Husband wants fairness and equality. Sister isn't answering questions directly, not allowing access to their parents home, she's being secretive, she won't even get together with her brothers to plan mom's memorial. Now it is time to let the lawyer deal with her...we are getting nowhere. In a way it is a relief. I am so emotionaly distraught about all this. Kinda nice to know that I don't have to spend all of my being trying to figure out what to do next to make sister be reasonable. I can sit back and breath and let the lawyer do her job.
It's raining buckets down my face.

There's a riff in my universe

It's late. I awoke from a very sound sleep. 4:00 AM and all is quiet and still and I am unsettled.
Something happened. Something unsettling, frightening, not outrageously terrifying. Maybe close to terrifying. I need help women!! I need women to tell me what they would do. What would you do if someone you loved caused something that could have quite nearly injured or possibly killed those nearest and dearest to you (included the person that caused this event) and is not taking responsibility for it.
The event:
We haved planned an outing with an overnight in a hotel for my Mom's birthday. We decide to take her car because we own a van and her car gets better gas mileage than our car. Husband is driving the car. Two hours into our outing we stop and get gas. I buy chips for everyone. We get back on the road. Husband is driving. I am in the passenger seat. Daughter #1, daughter #2, and my mom are in the back. The girls are passing the chips forward for husband and I to have some. I pass the chips back. I think that I am looking at the directions (not clear, but I am not paying attention). Husband reaches his hand in the back to get the bag of chips. I look up we are in the left hand lane and we are startling close to a red jeep next to us. I say in surprise Husband's name. He makes a sound of surprise and the next thing I know we are swerving out of control all over the road. He is trying to gain control but it seems that every time he turns the wheel the front end of the car goes in that direction and the back end goes in the opposite direction. Daughter #2 is crying. Daughter #1 has grabbed her and is holding daughter #2's head to her chest. My mom is saying things like, "Oh my god!". We swerve out of control 3? 4? I don't know how many times and then we are driving down into a ravine or embankment through an old fence and toward bramble (big bramble bushes). When we hit the bottom, husband swerves the car quickly to the right so that we do not hit a bunch of metal pipes (or post or rails) that is on the embankment going up the opposite side. The car stopped.
We all ask at the same time if everyone is ok. Everyone is ok. Nobody was thrown around. Daughter #2 is crying. Her head still being held by daughter #1. My mom is saying, "What happened? What happened? Oh my god!". Husband starts the car and turns it toward the embankment to drive back up it. I say he can't do that it is too steep. It was he stops.
We get out of the car. It is a mess. The bumper is broken and pushed back. The driver side headlight is broken. The driver side mirror is broken off. The car is covered with scratches, big ones, all over the roof, the sides, the back. There are dents in the side where the car was turned suddenly in the bramble.
The man in the red jeep in walking down to our car to see if we are ok. Some other car, a white one, has stopped as well. The red jeep man is saying things about how lucky we are to be allright. Stuff like that. Husband is telling him that the driver side brake seized up on him and he was desperately trying to remember the high speed defensive driving class that he took thirty years ago. A cop shows up. We are all out of the car now and sitting on the grass. Stunned. I call AAA. They are coming to winch the car out. More cops show up to make/take an accident report. We've got 3 cruisers and an EMT guy (but the EMT doesn't stay). The car gets winched out. We get towed to a brake place to have the brakes checked. We are all still stunned. We walk over to a chinese restaraunt dive and we all order bad chinese that none of us can finish. We wait at the brake p[ace. It seems that the brakes check out fine. Apparently this was a freak thing...perhaps.
We all get back in the car. Husband wants to drive to make sure the car is ok. It seems there is no mechanical damage. Husband saved the bottom of the car by avoiding the metal in the ravine. We drive to our first destination. To the Flax clothing sale. And then to the hotel where we order in. We go to the Corning Glass Museum (out of sight wonderful!!!) and we drive home.
What would you do if your husband caused an accident that he hasn't apoligized for. He said he was sorry that the car is a mess. He said that he was glad I wasn't driving because it was terrifying. I think I snapped at him and came back with some answer like I felt a comment like that sounded like he was saying I wouldn't be able to handle myself or the car. He got up to ask some questions at the info booth (we were all sitting at a table having birch beers). It was then that I asked my daughters what happened before the red jeep came so close. "Dad had is hand in the back seat" was their reply. When husband came back the girls took off to buy stuff and my mom went to the bathroom. I told him that I thought he should apologize to my mom. He said he had. I said that I believed him that the brake seized but I had just found out that his hand had been in the back seat and that action had set off a series of events that ended in a car accident. He nodded agreement.
As we were sitting in the ravine, husband and I got out of the car first. We gave each other a hug. Apparently my mom was saying to our girls stuff about look what your father has done.
I told husband that we should pay my mom's deductable on her insurance. He agreed.
I awoke with a start tonight. I cannot participate in a play where husband is the savior. He caused an accident. He handled the car well when it swerved out of control. He kept his cool. He saw the big metal stuff at the bottom of the ravine and avoided it. He caused it and not once has he said to anyone that he is sorry for causing it.
My head hurts. My toes are numb. My chest is tighter than Jane Fonda's ass. My marriage is in an iffy state as it is. I have to talk to husband tell him how I feel. Our daughters need to know that he is sorry for what happened and take responsibility for his part in the cause. He needs to talk to my mother.
I am grateful for his cool head under pressure. I am not sure that I could have handled the car as he did. We could have easily flipped. I am not comfortable with his not admitting his role in how this came to be.
How do I approach the man I love and say, "Hey, you've got to come clean on this one." or "Our girls need to know that you are taking responsibility for what happened."
Oh I know that I am going to talk to him. Mom leaves this morning and we have an appointment with a lawyer. Later on today. I wish that I could have a heart to heart before my Mom left but that won't happen.

Oh women. Oh women. What would you do? I just want to know. What would you do?